I’ve been trying to put this into words for myself for about 5 years. In those few minutes before I fall asleep, in the half hour on the bus every morning, I slip into this reverie where I’m a hero, a savior, blazing through action sequences straight out of a superhero movie. Except that I cannot ever quite imagine them if there isn’t a witness in my imagination, and that imaginary voyeur is always a man.

My imagination withers and pales into nothingness if I don’t have an imaginary voyeur. Forget about action sequences starring myself. I can barely imagine a story sometimes. It’s like a mental choke hold on my imagination and I’ve gotten so bad at controlling it.

Thanks for putting this into words for me. I’ve never heard anyone talk about this. :)