How Yoga Ended My Relationship

I wanted to share this story because I feel that yoga has many applications to life. Yoga allowed me to see someone for the first time.

I had been in an on again/off again, long distant relationship for three years. She lives in London. I live in Las Vegas. When I say on again/off again, I mean that she would disappear for months at a time. Maybe it was because of school. One time it was because of an abrupt change in her living situation. I would move on with my life. She would contact me. We would connect again. Our relationship would grow stronger, more robust and defined. We longed for each otherˋs intellectual conversation. We craved to see each other. We are both yogis, so we often discussed our practices. One day, we would practice together. Practicing yoga together is HOTT! When you set the room temp to 92 degrees, with 40% humidity, it gets sweaty.

About two months ago, she surprised me with news that she would be traveling to the states. She would be staying in California with her family all summer! We plotted on how she would get away to Las Vegas for a weekend. I told her to make sure she brought her swimsuit and her yoga attire.

On a Friday afternoon after work, I ended up driving to San Bernadino to pick up my international boo. From my end, the weekend was meticulously planned. From her end, things were unraveling from jump. Her family was not made aware that she was going to Las Vegas. She lied to them and told them she would be spending the night in Riverside with her white, blonde friend Sarah. A family member dropped her off at the rendezvous point and she was concerned that they stayed around to watch her. She did not reveal any of this until I picked her up. I wished I would have stayed in the car, but I got out and gave her a hug that lasted minutes. If someone was watching, it was obvious that this big, black male love interest was not Sarah. He looked more like Idris.

He looked more like Idris.

I got gas and we quickly headed back to Vegas. I knew that we would have a good time. However, I was concerned about the alluring passenger in my car. We discussed in detail what she was supposed to do on her end for this trip to happen. We discussed exploring options such as Uber to shorten my trip to her. She didn’t follow any of my suggestions. She instead made poor decisions that led to her being paranoid about leaving with me.

We made it back to Vegas safely. We stayed the night at a small boutique hotel. The next day, our day centered around a hot yoga class at 1PM. We checked out of the hotel and went to my home. We ate and got dressed for the class. I had two yoga mats and two yoga towels prepared. I donˋt play.

Concerning her practice, she told me that she practiced yoga twice a day, every day. She told me that people marveled at her commitment and discipline. She often sent me pictures of her in challenging poses. Now me, I love and prefer hot yoga. I asked her if she loved hot yoga. She told me that she loved hot yoga. Before the class, she became needlessly competitive. She claimed she was going to kick my ass in the class.

When we got into the class, the teacher asked, “Who is doing hot yoga for the first time?”

My “guest” raised her hand.

It was a shit show after that.

My guest demonstrated some great flexibility. She was confident in several poses. But in a teacher-led class with other students, she was frustratingly out of sync. She bombed at following instructions. She failed at taking cues from the other students. The teacher did not just provide guidance, she had to be hands on in correcting her posture and positioning. My guest came into the class like she was an expert, and the teacher had to deconstruct most of what she was doing. My guest was also very stubborn in receiving correction. The teacher would have to return and reinstate a hand or leg position. For example, in a triangle or pyramid position, how hard is it two straighten both of your legs? Havenˋt you done this before? Her active listening skills were atrocious. She inexplicably would change sides in the middle of a sequence. It was as if the mirrors confused her. Clearly the teacher said right foot. Everyone in the class is balancing on their right foot. Why the fuck are you on your left?

My guest may have never done dancer’s pose before, but she could not get initial concept of turning her hand over and grabbing her ankle from the inside. There were delays in the class due to her insubordination. Most of us were dying fifty minutes in. Yet we had to wait for her to comply with the teacherˋs direction. At one point, the teacher asked, “”Why are you fighting so much?” I was embarrassed and upset at how my friend showed her ass.

After the class, her lack of awareness peeved me even more. She gushed about how fun the class was. In hot classes I sweat profusely. So I was dehydrated, physically drained, and in my own head space. I didn’t explain this to her. I didnˋt reveal how angry I was either. I was just curt in my dialogue. She took this as me having an attitude. So she manifested her own, uglier ‘tude.

I shared the first part of my trip to connect how the yoga class confirmed my concerns. This bitch doesn’t listen. Sheˋs stubborn and selfish. She has a poor attitude. She’s trouble. Sheˋs not someone that I want by my side. As passionate as I am about yoga, she was revealed to not be the one for me. I could have been more compassionate had it been her first ever yoga class, but she was suppose to kick my ass. My expectations for the remainder of the trip were as dry as my internal organs. Two hours after the class, I was on the road again to take her ass home.

She told me that she loved hot yoga.

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