“Where is He?”: Is it Wrong to Ask Why America’s Leading Progressive Voice Is MIA?

The year is 2017 — as the Republican legislature is stumbling about and failing to build consensus, the progressives and liberals in America are supposed to be preparing for their next big challenge, the 2018 midterms. Presumably, this would include creating some kind of strong brand/platform to run on. The 2010 Republican wave that overtook the House ran on a consistent brand of Anti-ACA rhetoric, while the 2006 Democratic wave was the result of a coherently messaged Anti-Iraq push — going back, midterm gains seem to be tied to powerful and consistent messaging. So why are the Democrats so behind in their quest to come up with, well, anything?

I believe there’s a very simple, and very ugly, answer: they’re leaderless. The normal democratic leaders — Legislators and Governors — are simply too busy creating smart policies, and leading their states to take point on a messaging push right right now. The fact of the matter is that American Heroes like Bob Menendez are too busy standing up for what’s right, honorable, profitable, and most likely legal to waste their time messaging. That’s OK, but this leads us to an obvious question: where should liberals look to?

Well, why not to their most popular figure?

Polling has shown that one man, who is not currently in any elected office, is one of the most popular democrats — he’s wealthy, connected, and has more buildings named after him than almost any other public official…It’s pretty obvious which former president I’m talking about — John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

I can’t help but wonder why, when his party needs him most, JFK has opted to sit out debates on Gun Control, Planned Parenthood Funding, and Healthcare? Where was he when the Republicans looked to establish a Space Corp, essentially stealing one of his signature achievements?

It’s not hard to imagine how excited the American Public would be for JFK to enter the political arena again — the man would inspire a type of belief in the Democratic Party that’s been missing since the 2012 election. He would be the most popular attraction where ever he campaigned: imagine being a local candidate running against a freeholder/alderman/state senator endorsed by JFK… It would be an impossible race, period.

At this point, we all know what need to happen next: President Kennedy, if you’re reading this, it’s time. We, the Democratic party, need you: come out of retirement, and win this election for us. We’ll both be better if you do.

UPDATE: I have just learned that President Kennedy has passed away. I extended my sincerest condolences to his family, and especially his wife in this difficult time. I would like to thank all of my loyal readers for DM’ing me, emailing me, and telling me in person about the President’s passing. While I respect you for supplying me with this information, I would like to request that you stop messaging me — this was a simple slip up, and many people are unaware of President Kennedy’s passing.

Update 2: I get it. I fucked up. Sorry. I’ll stop. I’ll edit the fucking article, and make it about LBJ, or Ford, or someone else, seriously. Stop messaging me to tell me it’s wrong. I know.

Update 3: There’ve been like 10 public Facebook posst referring to me as a “lil dumbass bitchboy” or a “real fucking headass”. Is this really necessary?

Update 4: My mother can see things I am tagged in on Facebook, and you’ve all made her very upset.She’s called me three times today .

Updat 5: Ok, enough is enough. You idiots have made her so angry that she has begun to take the side of my trolls… In her last phone call, she called me “an inscrutable dumbass”, and a “total embarrassment [to my dead father]”…. Just because I made a SMALL MISTAKE? Really? fucking ridiculous.

Update 6: I’m contacting Medium, and getting the IP Address of everyone, and I mean EVERYONE who has been calling me “a really fucking bozo” or “ a complete bafoon” in the comments. I’ll see you in court, assholes.

Update 7: Don’t fucking try me again, or I’ll just go and disable the whole goddamn comment section.

Update 8: I’ve disabled the comment section.

Update 9: I hope you feel proud of yourself. My mother called me again, and she’s crying. Thanks.

FINAL UPDATE: There’s been a lot of negativity and hate directed at me today, and I just want everyone to know there’s a person behind this article, and that person’s so overwhelmed right now that he can’t even do what he loves (play counter-strike) because he’s so emotionally wrecked. I’ve bottom fragged in my last three games, and de-ranked twice.

Final Final Update: After consulting with my lawyer, I will no longer be updating this blog. I’ll see you fucks at your sentencings.