The way you ask questions shows you don’t value people’s time.


How many times have you been in a situation when someone asks you to do something that you just aren’t interested in? You are probably saying, “countless times!”

Have you ever received a text from someone saying, “Are you free tomorrow night?” Or maybe you run into someone and they ask, “What ya doing Saturday afternoon?” You MIGHT be free but you don’t know what they are going to ask you to do. It might be something you are interested in or it might not. People ask these open ended questions because they don’t want to be turned down. If you respond — “I don’t think I have anything going on.” then you have no way out if they ask you do something you really don’t want to do. Here are two examples:

“Sweet! Do you want to go eat dinner with my great aunt Tina?” You said you were free but you don’t want to go eat with great aunt Tina. How do you respond? Here is another example:

Here is another example, “Oh alright, my company gave me really good seats to the NBA game. Just wanted to see if you wanted to go.” What do you do with this one? You said you were busy because you didn’t know what he was going to ask but you really want to go to this game. How do you respond?

Change the way you ask people to events or outings. Ask people in a way that conveys you respect their time. Here is how:

  1. Give people a way out. Give the person the opportunity to turn down the invite if they truly don’t want to go or be involved. Ask them straight up — “Would you like to go with me to eat with my great aunt Tina?”
  2. Give them specifics — time and location. Productive and intentional people put high value on their time. Ask this way: “Would you like to go with me to eat with my great aunt Tina at 7pm at Olive Garden?” or “Hey, my boss gave me great tickets to the NBA tomorrow night at 7:30pm. Would you like to go?”

If they would enjoy dinner with aunt Tina then they will say yes. If they don’t find value or can’t spend 3 hours at an NBA game then they will simply decline. Give them a way out. Respect their time.

We live in a day in age when people and things will take our time if we don’t protect it. You might find that more people end up committing to you when you ask them respectfully. Give it a try.