A Pivotal Point
A Tribute to Everything and Everyone Involved in the First Seventeen Years of My Life
As my high school ‘career’ comes to an end, I am prompted — forced, kind of — to reflect on the last four years of high school, let alone the middle school, elementary school, and kindergarten days.
I feel that my life currently resembles a cup filled to the rim, and as each day passes by, a drop of liquid is added to this cup, until it overflows and spills all over the place upon graduation. It’s a pivotal point.
I sincerely hope, however, that I’ll be able to save just some of the liquid that spilled and keep it in the new cup that I’ll be filling from scratch in the new stage. I want to remain friends with some people, I want to remember the important life lessons I learnt, I want to cherish some of the memories I made with some of the dearest people. Even the people I dislike, the bad memories, the bad days, the bitter feelings — I want some of those to stay too. They’re the reason I’ve grown and developed to become the person I am today.
I thank every person that has been part of this cup: the good person, the bad person, the bitch, the awesome person, the nice person, the thankful person, the appreciative person, the mean person, the annoying person, the clingy person, the backstabber, the liar, the asshole. Thank you. Thank you for adding a piece to the ever-growing puzzle that is me, my personality, my life.
This transition prompts me to reflect. Who are the real friends? Who are worth my time and energy? Who loved me, but never expressed it? Who appreciated who I am? How graceful was I under pressure? How did I develop? How did I deal with hardships? What about the assholes — how did I deal with them? Where did I go wrong? What were possible alternatives? Should I be more firm next time? Should I be more lenient? Should I have been more involved? Should I have been more enthusiastic? Don’t get me wrong — I am not regretful in any way — it’s just an evaluation.
I’ve known some people for 14 years, while others, it’s been barely a year. Some people I’ve known for less but know more and hope they’ll stay forever. Others, I never really talked to — they were just passers-by. And others, I once was their friend, but for some reason, they’re gone — oh well, their loss. If there are two things to take home from all of this: (1) loving someone is often blind and you often don’t acknowledge the flaws in the friendship and (2) time isn’t necessarily an indicator of how robust a friendship is.
The reflection process has been a roller-coaster of emotions, and to counter that with something more objective and honest, I’m planning to send some of the aforementioned bitches and assholes farewell messages, thanking them for teaching me life-lessons and also wishing that the universe and its powers don’t put us along the same path again. Similarly, I’m planning to write to the people that have stood by my side, who have inspired me. Close friends, acquaintances, classmates — some people just have an impact.
For the future, I hope I am better at judging whether someone is sincere earlier so that I build only meaningful and strong friendships. But hey, a bitch every once in a while is healthy: he/she puts things into perspective, makes you appreciate the people you have, and spices up a once-mundane life. And I also hope that I’m more confident — I want to approach that person I find interesting, smart, or sincere.
I’m famous for being:
This is a list I take pride in. It engulfs my complexity as well as my artistic sense. I should’ve sugar-coated some stuff I’ve said over the years, or should’ve avoided it overall. Also, I should’ve spoken up when I remained silent, many times.
Over the years, I’ve loved, hated, liked, criticized, crushed, hurt, offended, complimented, inspired… so many people. I hope that whoever I love loves me back, whoever I like likes me back, and whoever I complimented and inspired is thankful. And whoever I hated, criticized, crushed, hurt, or offended, I ask you for forgiveness. You’ve either become another one of seven billion if we haven’t sorted things out, and if we have, I’ve changed my opinion of you, and you are significant to me. And to all the people that have been faking loving me, I most probably know it — expect a letter sometime in the summer.
I also wish I was a bit more involved in my community; it needs people that care. Be it education, the environment, the elderly, good people are needed. I should’ve motivated my friends and family to be enthusiastic about being significant individuals in society, I should’ve pushed them so that they push me. Newton’s Third Law works in life too.
For the future, I hope to be able to express my emotion more freely — I just tend to be cold. I also hope that wherever I end up, I oil up the engine and get myself and others to work in order to get something done, to leave a mark.
I can’t say that my first seventeen years have been the most thrilling or exciting; at the end of the day, I was a nerd buried in his little cocoon, not someone going to parties, befriending hundreds of people, and doing drugs. But I did talk to, interact with, and connect with people. It’s not the most dramatic life ever, but it’s been bumpy enough to bend me, mend me, break me, sculpt me — to shape me.
I hope this essay resonates with you and prompts you to think of your life and your pivotal point(s) if you haven’t yet. I believe that reflection is the only way to consolidate everything you’ve experienced and learned. When you reflect, you’ll indeed save some of the liquid spilled from that cup.