First

Are you happy

he asks me

I am lonely

But you are surrounded by beauty

beauty is not a comfort

his eyes dance like carnival lights,

he pulls his trigger of disapproval at my response

hands around my neck

he enters me

someone

not me

pulls back

into a reality sketched on a napkin

by a hand I once held as child

and trusted

he thrusts and turns me

inside out

I don’t want to breath

but I can

his eyes writhe with anger

ungrateful bitch

he spits

and comes

till my throat is so full with him

I can’t speak to leave

to move

to feel

to think

to fear

I’ll die with him inside me.