How To Spot a Woman of Substance

This writer has been lucky enough to have lasted a few decades. In that time, many women of substance have crossed my path. I continue to experience this. Many of them are already married or committed in some way or another. This doesn’t mean we guys can’t learn from them.

However, I have heard from many men that “there’s nobody to date here,” or other blanket statements. Maybe you should move. In most cases, you’re not looking deeply enough. At any rate, here are some facets to glean:

She Lets You Know

Women of Substance (WoS) are experts at communicating in various, subtle ways. Their messages may be nuanced, but their intent is real. You’ll know that they enjoy your company, that you are doing the right thing, that you’re not a total asswipe (which is a feat in itself for most men). It may be a touch on the wrist, a new outfit, or showing you off to her friends.

You may not be able to discern all of these hints. Don’t fret. This is how WoS conduct their lives. They are not obvious; they know that this invites assholiness.

Plus, if it’s just a platonic pitstop, she will inform you of this. Early on. No bomb-dropping. You’ll know you’re not stuck in Friend Prison. Then, you’re on your own. With her guidance.

She Flashes the Yellow Light

This is a highly-sought-after quality in a woman. Let’s say you ask her out. I say this even in the face of my prior Dating Is Dead blogitation. A WoS is NOT going to say, “Omigod yes. I’ve been waiting for you to ask me out for so long!” This is a green light. A license to speed. If you wait for this response from a gal, be prepared for lots of evenings (and Jaeger Bombs) with Sully and Meat at Fitz’s Groghouse. And a large Kleenex bill.

Nossir, the yellow light is a soft-pedaled way of letting you know it is okay to proceed. Examples:

  • “Gosh, I’m busy that night? Can we please do it another time?”
  • “Maybe we can go somewhere quiet — a nice place to talk.”
  • “I need a few minutes right now. May I call you back?”

She Accentuates Her Look

All WoS know how to take care of themselves. They dress for elegance, for a look. Even when they’re clam-digging. And that look isn’t necessarily “hot.” If they have certain physical assets, they know how to display in good taste. You douchebags may salivate over Sally Megatits and Judy Bonermaker, but do want them for your best gal? No, you don’t.

These “looks” may be hard to spot. A new haircut. Earrings. A scent. A WoS does this to improve her self-view and to impress you. It is your job to notice, dumbass.

I knew a wonderful WoS. We were together, then not, then we’d reconvene. She actually wore bras that subdued “the girls.” She told me, “I don’t guys to come after me because of my boobs.” I was totally impressed by this. She’s not with us anymore. I miss her and her lovely restraint (s).

She Puts Up with Your Life

Yep, a WoS understands about Sully and Meat. And why you need to watch the game with them at Fitz’s. She will even agree to put up with them. On occasion. Yes, don’t be an dickweed: Make sure that at least some of your loser buds have female company before you wrangle her to your favorite pit stop. And make it a nice pit stop, not the place with vermin-infested restrooms and a wine list that leads with Riunite. Every WoS needs a spotless destination for waste-making. Which she will effect in moments.

She Doesn’t Shove Her Life down Your Throat

Like you, she has interests. Hobbies. Friends. Family. Yes, you will get to know these things. In due time. All of this is worth experiencing to be in her life. She realizes that you are a different person and won’t effort to overwhelm you with her goings-on.

She Critiques Wisely

Yes, you will fuck up. It comes with the penis. No matter how hard you try to be a good lad, you will displease her. And she will let you know. Firmly, yet politely. However, when you really spit the bit, she will take no prisoners. And then you will know what to avoid.

She Drives the Sex Bus

If you don’t understand this concept, take heed. One of the smartest things a male will ever do is hand over the tiller of the SS Naughtybits to a WoS. One of the finest women I have ever known ditched a Total Dickhead because he pushed her too hard — and too soon — for the ole Sealy Calisthenics.

Another WoS — after a few dates — simply said, “After we go out on Friday, can I stay at your place?” Thus began a wonderful pairing. Of our lives, too. And Bob’s your uncle.

She Makes You Feel Like a New Person

Yes, a somewhat nebulous topic. If you are in a relationship, take a look at yourself. Do you somehow feel different around her? Does she elevate your life? Is it a privilege and a pleasure to be with her? If so, you’re a lucky dude. You have met a Woman of Substance.

Then, once you have found your WoS, you should keep her. That is another episode.

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