Could’ve loved you. But you and I knew, it would be a bad idea. Would it?
One week, we’ve seen each other. That ONLY one week stirred up the emotions entirely. And then you left. The questions were unanswered. The unspoken words that I’ve been meaning to express. Thoughts have never ceased to end. I still think about it…
We had a lot of fun that one particular day. It felt safe, interesting and filled with laughter. And a surprising thought came across my mind. In that moment, I gazed deeply into your eyes in that restaurant. Said to myself, could this be? Another question was, “Could this be same for you?” It appeared that we really needed something from each other that day.
Then an unexpected situation puts us on a test. I just met you for that one day and then the next day, it turned 180. You were paranoid and I was upset. Great.. more shit on top of my pile. I personally don’t want to deal with this right now. Strangely… I didn’t want you out of the picture completely. I wanted to deal it with you and that was simply ok for me. For the first time in a long time, I felt support and needed. The comfort between two strangers was inexplicable.
I understood why you acted the way you are. I understood why it’s difficult to trust someone that you just met. I understood of feeling very vulnerable and wanting to guard something but you can’t protect it and it’s out in the open. I understood it didn’t feel ok.
We were both scared [of each other]. I did everything I could to subside the situation by giving you many reassurances. Then we drift apart for a few days, but I still made sure I was right here with you… to make sure you’re not alone.
We meet again. I was really happy to see you. You’ve asked me to go to the show with you to see your favorite band. I didn’t know if it was your genuine gesture of wanting to see me again or a sugar coating act that you wanted to hide away your shame. You’ve reacted differently. We’ve kissed differently. You were hiding away and forgetting that moment. Words were unspoken.
After the show, we had one last night of fun. We said our final departs and then we hugged and kissed. We also said to each other that if one of us are around locally, we would meet again. Was it true?
I hope you’re laughing about it now. Because I am.
Months past by, you came into the city. You texted me.
Guy: Hey, I’m in the city. Are you still around?
I didn’t respond after six hours, until I finally found reception [I was ice climbing].
Me: Hey… what’s up? (I knew what you wanted… just another day of fun).
I should have said no at the moment, but I wanted to see you. I wanted see where we stand.
We planned a day, but we couldn’t see each other.
Me: I was looking forward to see you… but it’s all good. Trust me.
Guy: Trust me.
Guy: Well then… next time…
We’ve ended it there. It would have been a bad idea because I would have keep questioning about us.
To those who have felt the same way, you’re not alone.