What’s a self-care?
Self-care is a word that has made its way into common use, especially over the past couple of years. Although a relatively self-explanatory word, it seems to have been adapted and changed and squeezed and moulded into various different meanings. On paper, this is perfectly normal and fine, as language is always subject to change. However, there exists a large number of people who do not, or have not been provided the opportunity, to fully understand what self-care means in the context of their experience of being a unique person. Unfortunately, the word self-care has been reduced, in some cases, to a ‘one-size-fits-all’ collection of ‘tips and tricks’ that if followed dogmatically can rid us all of all the anxiety we have ever experienced and all the anxiety we will ever experience. “Follow my self-care tips and tricks to completely fix your life!” — wow, thank you very much!
The problem here is an obvious one — what if one of those ‘tips or tricks’ doesn’t work for me? What if I can’t understand how to use them? What if they’re objectively unusable? Ultimately, a failed ‘tip or trick’ may result in the following line of thought- What is so wrong with me that even a guaranteed tip or trick doesn’t work? What if I’m beyond help? All untrue, of course, and an unnecessary and easily avoidable series of wrongful examinations.
The reality of the situation is that there are no universal ‘self-care tips and tricks’ that suit everybody. We are all incredibly different and complex, so what works for me may not work for you — AND THAT’S OK!
Self-care is a buzzword that often gets confused with eating only fruits and vegetables, suddenly being able to run a marathon or an instagram magic spell that allows you to ‘live your best life’. I’ll be honest with you — I hate running and apples make me cry, so I don’t consider them a part of my self-care.
It might be useful to look at self-care through a slightly different lens, rather than a ‘catch all’ term, so let’s simplify it to something that each of us enjoys doing in order to look after ourselves. The best part about this is that it doesn’t matter what you do to look after yourself, as long as you’re actively doing something in a safe way that doesn’t harm you or anyone else. You may decide to look after yourself by having a bath and reading a book, I might decide to ladle natural yoghurt over my left arm while singing 500 miles by The Proclaimers. Both are safe, both are active and both constitute ‘self-care’. As long as it makes sense to you, that’s the main thing. Furthermore, there is no right or wrong way in terms of looking after yourself, only a way that works for you or doesn’t work. If something works, then why change it? If something doesn’t work or has stopped working, what can we do to tweak it in order for it to work again? By consistently labelling something as ‘right or wrong’ and ‘bad or good’ there is a high possibility that we will internalise these labels on an unconscious level, and suddenly our internal narrative changes from “my self-care is terrible” or “I’m shit at looking after myself” to “I’m terrible” or “I’m shit”. I argue here that we are all worth more than that.
By actively doing something in a safe way to look after ourselves, we are giving ourselves psychological and emotional permission to recognise and satisfy our needs — that we are worth the effort. There is no blueprint handed down as to how we are supposed to mind ourselves — we are all different, we are all unique — so be curious and find out what works for you.
I’ve just pressed ‘play’ on The Proclaimers, so I’ll catch you later.
