Don’t Hurry Up!

Holly Holland
Nov 7 · 5 min read

Unfortunatley this is part of my everyday vocabulary, minus the “don’t” part. Monday — Friday and an occasional Saturday and Sunday. I can’t actually remember a time when I was not demanding this of my family, mostly my daughter, but often my husband as well. As if I have the correct perception of time or the appropriate arrival at any given event. Granted I do very much like to be on time to most things, I must also confess I’m always the last one in our home to be ready, so …work in progress.

What if we didn’t hurry our kids though? Now I realize that sounds ludacris, just humor me. Can we just acknowledge some words associated with hurry like move quickly, hasten, flurry, confusion, scramble, scurry, and rush. The list doesn’t stop here. Think about all of those words, their connotations, and if they remotely bring any zen-likeness to our own ears. Chances are they don’t bring comfort. I know they don’t when someone expects hurry of me, why would my little one feel any different ?

I want to be conscience of the times I use “ hurry up.” I want my words to actually mean something worth doing as in 911! Or Danger! Of course they don’t hold much weight because the mood of which they’re being spewed out of my mouth are anything but serious and pleasant.

Let’s try something else.

Contrary to hurry hustle and bustle, I’m also very interested in the art of practicing presence, enjoying and accepting the moment for what it holds, giving my daughter those same skills of awareness. It’s so hard!!!! Naturally when I am not telling her to hurry up, or get moving, I am more inclined to notice the kids around me being dragged across the crosswalk, especially at school drop-off in the mornings. Not many days go by with out hearing other parent figures scurrying kids along. I’m clearly guilty of doing the very same thing, yet seeing it saddens my heart. This right here is the perfect opportunity to hold on to the awareness and examine where I can implement a small change.

* Note to self — remember how I feel when being dragged or hustled along, assume she feels the same way.

These previous few small paragraphs, I actually wrote about a month ago “growing” through a book on creating healthy rhythms of listening and talking with kids. Noticing their feelings. Validating them was the biggest nugget take away. I’m also realizing this awareness to hurry maybe a current life season of adjusting the pace of my everyday.

Today I find myself reading a recently released book called, “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry” by John Mark Comer. To come back and continue a post on hurrying or attempting the lack of seems more than appropriately timed.

So far this book brings light in distracted distraction of Western society, where hurry and busyness is an esteemed radar for success. It’s a common answer to an everyday “how are you?” “Oh, I’m good, just busy.” JMC quotes a Microsoft Researcher by saying “conscious partial attention is our new normal.” Does that seem terrifying to anyone ? No one thing is getting our full attention and we’re all okay with this? If we’re reigning back in the broad statement of “ Western Society,” going back to parenting a 6 year old, I’m reminded of more than a few times I’ve been called out on the fact that I’m not actually being present in her presence. I’m far to engulfed in my smartphone to pay attention to a small human that literally means the world to me. That should cause some alarms internally to be going off. Just me ?

This idea of hurry, or not actually, it’s something to consider. It’s incredibly counter cultural, and quite possibly very unpopular. I’ve tried it though! The attempts have been many. The rewards are life giving to really deep inner places of the soul. I’ve tried going at a 6 year olds pace when we’re late for school. I’ve tried putting my phone away for 24 hours, yes 24 full hours. Not just in another room, completely turned off. Confession, the 1st ever attempt felt more along the lines of what I would assume to be a slight substance withdrawal. I was picking up a black screen with no satiation, no fix. I was bored and felt dumb. I literally found extended moments in time where I could imagine anything to do. I stayed in my neighborhood because MAPS! It was quiet because APPLE MUSIC! I could not make plans with friends or go for a long drive. Terrifying. That next morning though, waking up with out an alarm, leisurely walking to get a tea, and walking back to play games or ride bikes to the beach- that is where the magic happened. I could not take photos, which I love documenting our family life, but I could completely notice them moments happening literaly in front of my very own physical eyes. I desperately tried to force mental photos of smiles or sunsets into my long term memory.

There was no timetable of schedule- there was no way to be early or late to anything. I didn’t have FOMO because I was fully unaware friends were supposedly doing cool things or “brunching” without me.

Insert challenge here *

Could you actually turn your phone off or leave the house whenever the slower member of your household was ready ? Could you do it more than once or what if it became a habit?

Let’s move forward today with the consideration of validating someone’s outlook on high demands or time constraints. Let’s let go a little and even more importantly pay attention to those small suspicions surrounding busyness. Little ones need to feel safe. They need a place to know they can be their own person and also know and emergency is not getting ready for school in the morning. Equally they should know and feel as well as ourselves, that smart devices do actually take care of some time consuming tasks for us, but to trust them to instill high value to life and practicing presence — they will never do. I love my iPhone. This is not a bash — this is hopefully a slight call to awareness and question if anything in our life especially our time needs to be prioritized.

Happy un- hurrying this week. Try getting your coffee in a mug instead of a togo cup and see what happens.

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