A Letter About Feeling Guilty

I’m sitting in a hotel room in Ireland, writing without purpose. Letting my pen lead the way. A couple of minutes later, distractions pull me towards Facebook. My profile. The focus shifts from considering to change my profile picture, to a quick conversation with a former professor at my school — who is moving to Dublin in December to work for Google.

Sad, I think. She is the reason I am here, writing what I’m writing. We need more people like that. People that push you towards your potential.

I scroll down my timeline. Weddings, vacations, work, parties and friends. Is this really what defines the past year? Have I really not come further in a year? Suddenly, I feel guilty. I think about the two words I hear non-stop from my closest friends and family. “Be patient”…

What did I create or do, to make 2014 memorable? 2014 hasn’t been anything but another calendar that I’ve crossed out. Day in and day out I’ve been a gear as part of a bigger machine. What have I accomplished worth mentioning?

Why haven’t I created something to make 2014 worth remembering?

One thing is for certain: my 2015 is not going to be anything like my 2014.

My ex-professor writes back: “If you don’t try, you don’t know what you can achieve”.

What’s stopping me from trying to reach those goals I want to set for my self? Of course I’ll try. My thoughts keep wandering. If no one had tried, we wouldn’t have electricity. If no one had tried, we wouldn’t have internet.

The feeling of guilt rushes over me. I know I won’t reinvent internet. But if I can create something that makes the world a better place — in any way possible… I’ve done my part. This is the end of me being patient. 2015 is the year where I will take what I want, and create what I can.