Should I stay or should I go?

I decided to move country. Here’s what I learnt in the process.

Like Michael Scott’s famous departure from Scranton to Colorado, I too packed my bags and headed for pastures new — just a little further northwest to Vancouver, Canada.

Until 1.5 months ago, I’d lived in the UK my whole life. And apart from a few years in Birmingham, UK, for university, London had been my only home.

So with the worst of the Covid pandemic behind us (*she types gingerly*), it felt like the right time to try something big and scary and trade my home comforts for the unknown. Because, if not now, when?

But there’s no rulebook for how to approach these life events, so I sought wisdom from others who’d done it before me. And now 6 weeks into my adventure, I’ve learnt a few things about the process of leaving home and arriving in a new one.

Just like I found comfort in other people’s reflections, I hope my thoughts provide a little reassurance if you’re considering a big change or as you head towards your life in a new country.

You can move somewhere you’ve never been

It may sound risky, or plain reckless, but hear me out.

I’d never been to Vancouver or Canada before I moved here. But my partner had lived here and had visited lots. So if you know someone who has lived somewhere and they vouch for it, don’t eliminate it as an option.

I could have done a trip to assess the city, using precious holiday days and cash. Instead, I relied upon the recommendation of someone I trust which held a lot of value. More value in fact, than the cost of flights, Air BnB, food, drink and the rest. I even know a few other people doing the same thing, so maybe it’s not such a crazy idea after all.

I know not everyone has a partner’s recommendation they can rely on, but work with what you’ve got. Maybe you know a friend of a friend who moved to Barcelona. Reach out to them and chat about their life there. Any real-life experiences can add colour to somewhere you’ve never been.

It’s also a rare and exciting opportunity to move somewhere completely fresh and experience everything with the much-desired ‘beginner’s mind’.

Seek connections from your connections

In the run-up to the move, whenever I met new people or saw friends I asked if they knew anyone in Vancouver. Sometimes it felt like a long shot but through many conversations, I racked up a respectable list of connections.

I even noted down a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend. No joke! Give it a go, you might be surprised by how many people you’re a couple of handshakes away from all around the world.

Even if you don’t meet up with any of them in your new home, having a few connections gives you a sense of familiarity and shared context in a place where you may not have any.

Be prepared to pivot

I had planned to continue my content design career in Vancouver, hoping to secure a job before I arrived. But at the time the world wasn’t in a great place economically — roles were paused and the market was slow. So I pivoted and applied for cafe server roles to help tide me over for a little while when I arrived in the city, as I’d done in-between jobs in my early 20s.

If you find yourself in a similar position where your ideal job isn’t available, you could use it as an opportunity to try something different. Hospitality or retail work is a great way to meet local people and have an income while you settle into your new environment. And a change of plan will likely add new dimensions to your experience and could lead you in an exciting, unexpected direction.

The build-up is the most emotional part

I expected going into the complete unknown of a new country to be the most difficult part, but I found the final month before leaving the hardest. Saying goodbye to friends and family and constantly thinking about what I was leaving behind took an emotional toll on me. At times I thought if I feel this sad is it the right decision? And if I feel like this now, how much worse will it be in a new place without my support network?

Luckily my partner had gone through the same journey a few years ago, so he blessed me with the benefit of hindsight. He told me that leaving is the hardest part and once I get there I won’t feel nearly as sad.

And he was right! On the day of my flight, I didn’t feel the intense emotions that I’d imagined. Things felt much lighter and easier.

Once I was on the plane I had the mental and emotional space to feel excited and appreciate the amazing opportunity ahead of me.

Let go

Before leaving I had so many questions: Will I make friends? Will I find a job I like? Will I stay there for a long time? I couldn’t answer any of them, and I realised the only solution was to let go of trying to. OK, but how do you just ‘let go’?

I turned to journaling — writing daily affirmations or mantras to remind myself to let go of what I can’t control. It’s such a simple yet challenging task, with tangible outcomes. Over time, doing this regularly has helped me to better enjoy the present moment and not get as worked up about what the future may look like.

And now I’m actually here! In the future that I was thinking about for all those months. Maybe soon I’ll be able to answer some of those questions. But in the meantime I’m reminding myself to be patient and that establishing myself in a new place takes time.

I know I’m not the first person to move somewhere new, so if you’ve taken the leap, I’d love to hear how you managed it.

Thanks for reading!