I think the worse part of being anxious and bi polar is the random depression that hits you. Yes it sucks because you have no real control over it and you want to cry and lay in bed , but every part of you is telling you to get up and do something, that’s one reason I started this blog I have to be doing something even when the depression kicks in.
It’s a struggle I don’t want to talk or even be around people. I think the worse part is whenever people ask how you are feeling, they really don’t want to know and it’s not thier fault I mean would you like it if someone was constantly anxiously telling you about all the shit that is making your life hell.
Being around friends is great alot of the time , but not when you are constantly being negative.
I have been way down these past couple of weeks and writing shit out helps , but I don’t always want to be negative on here , I am very grateful for all things in my life, that’s the reality.
Depression isn’t that reality it’s completely different from you , depression takes away your you-ness and your much-ness , and you’re left with a grey scale version of yourself So yeah it sucks and it hurts. Exercise helps so does Art’s and writing.
Unlike physical wounds though depression keeps tearing open when you least expect it and it seems to take forever to get back to yourself.
The constant battle against yourself and your brain is terrifying, and its even more scarey to share how deep into you’re going to be.
I don’t really know how everything is going to help I just know that some days the birds are chirping and everything else is easy as pie and day’s like today everything is dark and grey and you find yourself crying without even knowing why.
Crying can be cleansing , but I think when the depression kicks your ass you have to kick right back, you have to do one thing one whether that’s writing or going for a walk or reading a book do something and try to be present.
Otherwise you’re just accepting it and we get just this one life and we have to make a effort even if it’s just one small thing at a time.
Yes it’s all in your head but that’s good you can fight it little by little , everyday change something , because change is good , you have to get up move forward , if things didn’t change life would be boring.
Acknowledge your depression and anxiety and whatever else you have , acknowledge and then fight against it , even if it is just walking out side and taking a few deep breaths. Every little bit helps.
Love every single side of you the good the bad the ugly , love it , but never ever let it define you.
Everyone has something beautiful in them , mentally ill doesn’t mean incapable , it means you just need to be tougher than the rest of the world.
With love ,
Jagged lil Pill.