The Voices In My Head, A Murder In My Heart.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
“’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—
Only this and nothing more.”- EdgarAllan Poe.
Time is not on your side , that way of thinking is just a side effect of being mentally healthy.

Another side effect of being mentally healthy, you seem to think you’re right except for the fact that No is right all The time , and I the sick one is wrong because I have thoughtsabout suicide or discomfort or beer , flash backs of being raped , and lack of experience that’s why I am wrong.
Because you’re mentally healthy and well off , or healthy and busting your ass off.

Here’s the thing , begin sick whether physically or mentally ill ,people tend to repel themselves out of situations where
They can’t get hurt..
Then there the people who are there for you, but not really they can’t understand because their not going through it.
Then there’s The people who think that you are this wonderful angel , and once that illusion is sattered, it’s pity, and talking down to you (civilly)

Except that it’s not civilly , it’s them trying to make you adult, because in there minds they feel that if they lectured on your life choices up until now , some how they get that illusion back.


Then there’s The people who think that I’m inside my head to much , I fantasize about reality I embellish the truth , I don’t remember every time a butterfly flaps it’s wings or anything to do with money. That’s a side effect of me being sick.

I did open up, but like everyone one else has solutions , which turned into suspicion that I am not human, and not allowed basic rights like passing out after great meal with a touch of Jameson and a few more pints , and I had also taken a lithium because I had to.

Long story short I ended up being talked at length about issues like service dogs or ask what the service dog was for, and then explaining that I am searching for a service dog as well he gave advice and a beer tip.
If I had been sane or More sober, maybe I would not seen approval on the veterans face or the smile when I pet his dog , after asking of course.
So, Fine I agree I was rude. Because mentally ill people are always wrong even though they’re right.
As for me living in a fantasy world , I’m going to continue to do that, there I don’t drink and I relax and I don’t adult.

Here is where I don’t have to trust anyone anymore, and why should I don’t Need a white Knight and I May enjoy fairy tales I don’t want one.
My family is normal to me. Others have said otherwise.
My life is dying , slow or quick I really find out till I start treatments.
I had to get some things off my chest , and here goes.
- I don’t like trump it’s boarding on the edge of nuclear war.
- I hate being talked about like everything wrong with me.
- Stop trying to fix or save me , that’s not fair.
- If you love me ,You love, loves not battleship.
- I like My life just the way It is , it’s small, obscure and shattered, but it’s mine.
I hate shiny armor , it’s too new doesn’t matter the age of the knight, if you’re armor is shiny I don’t trust it.
I have lied , stolen, and a few other things I’m not going to be proud of, but I will always take responsibility for the hurt My actions caused.

I am a drinker but I can take or leave it. I’m never been a princess or anything like that.
I contemplate suicide , most recently about an hour ago. You see I can’t stand judgemental people on their pedisol.
I have one God and he’ll take were i need to go when I need to go.
I say to you that you shall die , and none shall remember you.
Were all going to die every one dies.
So go eat the cake, watch the porn. Live in the moment. If someone ever calls you a liar , we’re all liars every one Is afraid of death and dying painfully.
TIME is not on your side , it’s not on anyone’s. Sadly well I’m off petting puppies and relaxing and enjoying myself.
Then the one I’m with hopefully can do the same.

I’m going to lie to you, and My life is a mysonistic, sociopath and megalomaniac , but You Will never know how deeply I feel ,he’s My life so keep your judgement off him, he’s My life and no will know what I gave up to keep My free will , I don’t tell all my secrets , because you’re supposed to keep them. That’s why they’re secrets.
If you think know me , then have no clue.

I will not spell it out , or try to make You look at me differently. People are Dragon slayers , and dragons are dragons.
I flirted with the devil, walk right into hell and never even thought about looking back or asking for permissions.
What I’m trying to say is that I will be honest with anyone, but I will never share all my secrets.
Because if you get pissy and judgey at a glance of My life, then sugar you really don’t deserve the best of me, if you can’t love some one in the gutter, then you aren’t loving you’re just a really good actor.

I’m batshit crazy that’s clinic speak for chaotic and unpredictable so my mind matches My life.
Here’s the truth , it’s my life, I don’t have a husband , so fuck It it’s My life this is Talia and You Will never know-how deep my well of secrets is.
Loves Sugarwolves,

Jagged little pill.
