Confidence, a scarce commodity

Confidence, accessible to everyone, infinitely available and yet there is a scarcity of it.

In a world where we are subliminally subjected to unobtainable expectations of beauty and perfection, it is no wonder that someone possessing confidence is an anomaly. Why wouldn’t they be? They are one of the few lucky ones to have fought through the cascade of photo shopped images, the unlimited pictures of people who seem closer to gods/goddesses, the carefully captured perfect lives of our friends, family, and strangers. And, if this wasn’t bad enough, the negative perception we put on people with confidence due to the insecurity caused by our lack.

“We have the crabs in a bucket mentality; if I can’t have it neither can you so; as you reach the top, I am dragging you back down.”

Why?

Why do we do this? Why do we feel threatened by others’ confidence as if there is a finite amount, that every ounce they have, seems to shine a painful spotlight on the what we are in debt of. It is because our mind and body are wanting so deeply to possess this rare gem, seeing it in others makes us jealous, angry that we do not have it and wanting it so badly that we pick others’ apart to console ourselves.

This needs to change. Think…

If we understand the gift that confidence is and the power it has in our social, romantic and business spheres, why not build each other up. This would do wonders for our own self-esteem, becoming the people who create confidence in others rather than tear it down. Thankfully, this is beginning to happen. It seems there has been a saturation of this culture, the constant projection of our insecurities on others, the demand for a certain aesthetic, a certain way of living and the poison that can be seen in the media. People are taking action. Podcasts such as i_weigh hosted by Jameela Jamil who have inspiring guests talking frankly about their long battles in this domain and shaming this behavior. The content is out there, we just need to seek it out and change the media we consume and environment we surround ourselves with; the School of Greatness Podcast, the Mimibee podcast, the Receipts podcast and so many more. All you have to do is type in body-positivity and you will be bombarded with ever growing movements of acceptance and inclusion.

Help others? Why, when I am in need?

I can hear you saying, “but what about me? I came here to seek answers for improving my own confidence.” Well let me tell you the benefits of building others up and then I will delve into the secrets of confidence.

(1) Have you ever noticed the difference in the people and places around you when you are happy? You leave the house feeling miserable, avoiding all eye contact, acknowledging the floor only. It is an experience of no significance. Then, you leave the house with a smile. You keep your head up, acknowledging passersby who smile at you, say hello, maybe even make a jokey remark or compliment. Perhaps you see someone else with a miserable look, happen to catch their eye and smile. The warmth overwhelms you as you see their face transform into a reciprocating smile. Well, appreciation, compliments, acknowledgement, confidence boosting works in a similar way. As you give it out to people and watch them transform the satisfaction you will receive in creating this happiness and confidence is unfathomable.

(2) And, as I stated before, how can this not boost your own confidence as you see the power you have.

(3) The more you give, the more you receive. Become someone who builds others up and I can assure you they will be 100 times more likely to build you up even taller.

(4) Finally, who wants to live in a world of jealousy and insecurity? Doesn’t a utopia of confident, secure people who make each other feel amazing sound like a good trade? The increase in opportunities that you will attract as you build better relationships with others and yourself will be trans-formative.

Now, lets increase YOUR confidence

“Comparison is the thief of all joy.” Theodore Roosevelt

Being someone who used to struggle with self-esteem, creating downward spirals as I compared myself to others, disregarding every beautiful thing about myself and instead, punishing myself for my imperfection (spoken about further in Confidence Crises and Eating Disorders podcast), I can relate to you. Thus, I am here to help and offer some things that transformed how I saw myself.

• Stop comparing; we are all different, celebrate it. Revel in other people’s strengths and let it inspire you rather than dishearten you.
• Control your media! Social media and even the news can be disgustingly damaging and manipulative. I used to spend hours looking at all these models on Instagram, people who seemed to make my life look pathetic. Until, I simply stopped, became aware of how it made me feel and surrounded myself with positive images and messages.
• Be kind to yourself; how can you create confidence when you are feeding falsities to yourself about yourself after believing what you are reading, the media, people who don’t want you to succeed as it will make them painfully aware that they are not. Say affirmations to yourself, love yourself, admire yourself, celebrate EVERY success.
• Make yourself proud; if things seem scary, do it. Put yourself out of your comfort zone. This is like a muscle, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. For me, the scarier something is,the more amazing and proud I feel after I do it. Trust me. You WILL feel powerful, unstoppable even.
• Keep promises to yourself; the definition of self-confidence is ‘a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement’. So, set little goals and achieve them. Make a to do list, even if it is just making your bed and having a shower, and tick every single one off. As you start to trust yourself and the promises you make, you will start believing your own voice over others’.
• Make the choice; for me, this is the MOST important one. I decided that I no longer wanted to feel this way, be hindered by my own thoughts. Let me repeat this. HINDERED BY YOUR OWN THOUGHTS. We are the only ones with the real capability to prevent happiness, confidence and success. I had so much I wanted to do that would be so much more accessible with confidence. So I decided to become the person that would have all of this in their reach.

Thank you for reading and, as always, I hope this has helped in some way.