Grateful

Tonight I am grateful for loneliness.

For this empty house that I come home to.

And for silence,

When there could have been so much yelling

Name-calling

Swearing

Rudeness

Contempt

Regret.

I was never good at much besides failing,

You helpfully reminded me of that.

And yet for all the things you did better than me

You were never as good as I was

At making me feel bad.

Now, the only person who can make me feel bad is

Myself.

And I can see the successes,

Disguised as failures,

Like all the fights we haven’t had

All the tears I haven’t cried

And how silence doesn’t interrupt.

I’m getting better at choosing kindness

Like when my Inner Critic

Still sounds like you,

And rolls their eyes like you,

Their words dripping with sarcasm,

I can usually tell it to shut the hell up.

Which is what I should have been saying all along.

Sometimes failing a little less, turns out to be enough.

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