OMG I could have written this! Raped as a 5-year-old, got a beating from my parents because I was “dirty” “late” and “I told you to stay away from him” I never told … it was my fault.
Second time, as a teenager, KNEW it was my fault somehow because it happened again.
My own husband kept going when I said no — again, something is wrong with ME because this keeps happening, I must deserve this.
Last boyfriend in a fit of rage at the end of our relationship when he was supposed to have left and left his keys on the table. I got home expecting an empty house. Instead I had a very irate, passed out drunk on my couch. I tried so hard to not make any noise, but he woke up any way and started. He tried to rape me — this time I fought like a bitch and managed to keep him from doing it. He wrapped himself around me like an octopus and I had to stay that way. I awoke to bruised wrists and the entire area around my mouth was bruised from his forceful attempts at kissing me. I just wanted him gone — didn’t report because he works in law enforcement and I knew he’d lose his job and I was concerned for the financial hardship that would cause his son. I also knew at this time in my life, from working in the criminal defense field, there was NO WAY I was going to put myself through the scrutiny of a trial.