Celibacy- A Vow to Myself

It has been seven years since someone has touched my V-jay V-jay and for the record I didn't melt or disintegrate into pixie dust because I haven't had it. Do I miss the intimacy of sex, yes? Do I miss the touch of a man, Yes? Celibacy is a test of willpower but the truth is I wanted what I believe should come with sex a meaningful relationship. Anyone can have sex with you but the man willing to wait is priceless.

I love myself enough to know I am worth the wait

His should be able to love me in many ways

besides sex

Come in touch with my soul, my heart and mind

Pray with me

Dream with me

Hold me

Marry me

Let me know that I am worth pursuing

Respect that my body is a temple of greatness
To have access means you earned it
You cherish and respect me treating me as a rare jewel

Stimulate my mental

Before thinking of slipping between my thighs

Knowing my Intelligence is Sexy

Wooing and Pursuing me

Knowing I am a Diamond

and I am worth the wait
That your symbol of love is your heart and not just your magic stick

I made the vow to commit to celibacy and I have honored it since 2009. The path of abstaining from sex until I am married is challenging and it can be a lonely journey. The pledge began with myself after getting into a sex only relationship and realizing I was way against the woman I am.He was in full control of my body and at the end of our time together I was riddled with guilt and feeling dirty.I made a bad choice, hurt my love in the process and giving a piece of me that was not deserved to another.

I will not blame him I was well aware of was going on and the guilt I carry will forever live inside of me. It was a breaking point in my life when he came into my home sitting on the chair butt naked and a baseball cap. What should have been “just sex turned to him wanting much more.It was when I got on my knees making a covenant with God and myself to never get into something that is unhealthy but to also abstain from sex. I came to the realization that having sex with a man is easy but having a man willing to connect with you without ever being inside of you is priceless.

During this journey it has given me the chance to reflect fully on what I wanted out of a relationship and myself. I will no longer play down my worth as a woman. To fall in love with me as a person, to shower me with an intimacy deeper than the physical and love what is inside of me, my heart. Some of my friends say I am dreaming but I do believe in the impossible.

The man I choose to be in my life understands and accept my journey as a woman who wants to be married before making love. He understands that I will never settle for less. I am definitely worth the wait.
© 2015 Tamyara Brown- Tamluvstowrite