I read this piece of writing without any idea who’s writing, and it surprised me a bit when I realized who you are (thanks to your great profile pic!)
I’m in the same situation. I feel shared when reading your texts. Thank you for doing this.
I had thought that you were doing good with your work and your life.
I don’t have any advise. Just to let you know you’re not the only one suffering anxiety. And from my point of view you are no failure at all.