I’ve been in two abusive relationships with narcissists.
The first, he knew his issues were tied to his depression. He didn’t seek help when he should have, but with time I came to realise he’d armed me with the skills I needed to ultimately walk away from him. And, because of that, I forgave him. Despite (or perhaps because of) the pain I endured with him, I am a more patient and compassionate person. And I believe he will continue to address his issues, and I believe he will eventually find a way past them. I see him around every so often, and it’s okay. It really is.
The second, he was in complete denial. He never could see the hypocrisy in telling me I was too sensitive and shouldn’t let his criticism get to me, and then telling me I was a bitch and should stop picking on him. I never figured out out whether he was a complete arsewipe or just as dumb as dogshit. I knew for sure that I gave him too many chances—I ignored red flags because I suspected I was being hypersensitive, given my history. And then he pulled his nonsense again, something about it being my fault, and I told him to get the fuck out and never come back. And when he left, I did a little victory dance, not because he was gone (good thing) but because I’d taken action to not fall into the same trap again.
Hmmm. Come to think of it, maybe he was both a complete arsewipe and as dumb as dogshit…