I got to the part about “women’s toxic bonding rituals” and had to stop reading.
Ré Harris
93

Ré Harris, It still does my head in that

  • when I was in an abusive relationship, my partner would gaslight me, showing me how everything wasn’t his fault — it was my fault;
  • after it was over, many of my friends, family members, and even strangers would gaslight me, showing me how everything wasn’t his fault.

I’ll bet your abuser was “a really great guy” and that your description of his behaviour — the behaviour you suffered from day in, day out — seemed “very out of character”. Or maybe you were “two really nice people, but things just don’t always work out”. Insert other “helpful” things people try to say.

From seeing your response alone, I’m not sure I should be clicking through to the article at the top of the thread :( but I probably will, and I feel a bit safer knowing I’m with you guys.

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