As it is world mental health day, I thought I’d write something a bit more personal that I feel God has been telling me to share for quite some time now.
Last year in April, I was really struggling. I was being bullied, I wasn’t getting on with my dad and I had quite an unhealthy friendship with someone. At church it often felt like I wasn’t really friends with anyone and that nobody particularly liked me. I felt alone.
In the few weeks leading up to my baptism, I started to self harm. I don’t know why but it just seemed like the only way out. In all honesty, it just made things worse. I was constantly worried about someone finding out and what would happen if they did. I was really unhappy and I didn’t really know why.
I thought my relationship with God was good but looking back, it was nothing compared to what I have now! If I’m being honest, my ‘relationship’ with God was all about performance and trying to get people to like me. It wasn’t honouring God at all.
Looking back, I can see that it was the devil trying to stop me being baptised and pursing God further. Well, jokes on you Satan! But in all seriousness, although I would never put myself through that again or want anyone else to go through that, God turns all things round for good and it’s helped me to relate to quite a lot of people (Christian and non Christian) and has equipped me to help them and give them advice and I know God will continue this.
The reason I called this blog shameless generation, is because so many people are dealing with mental health issues right now but like me, they don’t want to talk about it. They feel ashamed and worried about the consequences and about people judging them. This should not be the case as mental illness isn’t something you choose to have or anything that you’ve made happen, it’s just something you have and you shouldn’t be condemned for or ashamed of.
So, if you relate to any of this in any way, I just want you to know that there is no shame placed on you, you are valuable and have an immeasurable worth, you are amazing and God is so proud of you!