Could food have saved Chester?

Sudakshina Bhatta
Jul 22, 2017 · 5 min read

You heard it right, food, I just suggested food as a remedy for chronic depression. The depression that killed Chester Bennington. Wanna know why?

Well it was back in 2014. After struggling with a full time job for one year, I finally resigned. I was under the impression that I was not doing justice with my MBA degree. I deserve better, much better things in life. And most of the jobs here, offered peanuts without caring much about my qualifications. So I stopped looking for one & started making a living through freelance writing jobs. But soon I realised I was missing the office flavour. I felt it’s necessary to step out everyday to keep yourself physically & mentally fit. I lost appetite, my haemoglobin level dropped since I got converted into an insomniac. When I was in a full time job, I thought I wasn’t treating my educational achievements fairly. I expected to land myself in a greater place next. But that perception, that optimism was soon crushed by the hard reality of life. I apprehended-

  1. There are thousands of MBAs out there. This is a common qualification & I’m no extraordinary. I’ve got nothing to be proud of.
  2. The job market isn’t perfect. I can’t be fully satisfied no matter where I work.
  3. Going out, exploring the world & socialising are as good as the basic needs for a human to survive. These are required for us to get going. Maslow has already mentioned it in his theory of motivation.

Gradually, I started feeling bad about everything around. I had friends. A loving family. But still something was missing in my life. Plus, I had a one sided love story that ended with ‘his’ marriage. That incident also added to my anxiety. Slowly I became the victim of depression.

During those days, I used to ask myself, why do I even exist? I can’t contribute financially to my family. Although I had a degree, but it was of no use. I lost the urge to live. I felt unwanted, lost & useless. My family suffered the most due to this sudden transformation of mine. They got worried. Dad asked me to consult a psychologist which in turn took me more into depression. Eating was just a formality for me. The days passed by without memories. Life was lifeless for me.

Then, one day, I remember it was raining cats & dogs outside. I was sleeping & was reluctant to sit for lunch. Mom came inside my room & sat beside me carrying a plate of khichdi & fried fish (a common Indian dish). I inhaled the smell & quickly opened my eyes. Then she said something, that changed my life forever.

Mom asked me to taste the food. I had a spoonful & then refused. She asked, “don’t you like it now? It used to be your favourite during your childhood days.”

She continued, “you know today I cooked excess khichdi. It was too much for all of us. So I decided to offer some to that young security guard of our building. He’s of your age. You won’t believe the elated expression on his face when he saw the bowl full of khichdi. As if nothing in this world matters anymore & as if he has found the way to salvation. I miss that smile on you. If he could be that much happy to see food, why can’t you? Is it because you consider yourself to be much superior to him? Is it because he’s satisfied with his little job & you’re not? Is it because you have achieved an escalated status in the virtual world & now you’re shying away because your friends would look down upon you? Do you think you’re a super human & no one can reject you? Do you think your father has got nothing to worry about although he’s the sole bread earner of the family? Do you think all the problems in the world are being imposed upon you? Is it because you’ve linked your identity with your job? Tell me what’s the matter? We can discuss it thoroughly but before that please finish this.”

She left the plate of khichdi there & went to the other room. After her series of questions, I was literally blown out. The questions revolved in my head. I quietly took another spoonful of khichdi. It felt nice. Then I took another. I finished the whole plate. The questions hit me really hard. It changed my perspective about life.

I walked out of my room & told mom it tasted yum. The genuine smile on my face reassured her that I was not lying. She caressed me & replied, “learn to enjoy the simple things in life. You’ve roof over your head, a wardrobe full of expensive clothes to wear & delicious food to eat. These are your basic needs which are being met seamlessly. Feel blessed about that. A boyfriend or a classy job never comes under basic needs. Otherwise those street children would’ve never smiled after getting a bowl full of rice to eat. Depression is a lifestyle disease. We set standards for ourselves & when we fail to attain those, we get disheartened. No one around you gives a damn about your life. What job you’re into or who is your spouse, never matters for them. You don’t have to prove your superiority in front of them. Those who knows your value, will appreciate you anyway. And those who don’t care about you, why would you care about them? Care for your loved ones, care for us & you will be showered with love & blessings throughout your life. And that cute smile on you, do you know men can die for it? Why do you keep on suppressing it? Smile my baby, smile.”

And then we laughed over some silly things I did during childhood which I’m not gonna reveal here *winks*.

I hope this article will save those lost souls who are considering hanging themselves from the ceiling tonight. And if somebody out there have better remedies to cope with depression, please share. Let’s make the world a less depressed & a more joyous abode for all.

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Ever heard of an angel winged devil or a crow faced unicorn? They are just like me.

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