Lofty Dreams and Little Ones.

And here I find myself again. In the midst of a crowd I barely understood. The monotonous everyday sun hung about in the sky. One more realization to be dawned today. I sit through the drudgery of a lecture. The overhead fan whirring slowly, not being able to dissuade the pesky flies. Ironically, it’s the human being who carries more filth than those creatures. Everyone looked at the door, the escape route and quite ironically again, the same one they used to enter the hall. I looked at the whiteness of the board and the marked lines that blotted it. Algebra they called it.

Everything changed really, quite a bit. Simply put, it went heads down. Soon algebra was replaced with finance, fans with the cool air conditioner. Flies were certainly replaced with dust specs sticking to your glasses. Hopes and aspirations of a bygone era clung to your shoulders like the winter flakes. Soon to melt over when the summer comes. I do not just mean the heat in the air but the pressure to perform when those fated internships begin. Many of us will probably have gone through the idea. By that I mean researched every aspect of what the job entails, chewed down to the bone, and relished the taste and now want more. Some of us have just started scratching the surface.

We do not need more jobs and responsibilities. We don’t need to add links to the dreary chains we already wear. The weather is getting worse here. It’s getting colder, darker and lonelier. Your friends now eye you with envy and contempt. Black clouds fill the sky and puddles fill the uneven earth. What once was green is now brown. What once had leaves, now frayed under the cold. What once had happiness is now being replaced with despair. It’s cold and it’s almost winter and the whole world has gone to sleep. Or the ruins. Take your pick. I was sitting by myself under the orange and yellow of a fading October tree and cold sharp winds cut across. The park was empty and so was my mind. Numbness towards the fleeting memories of what I was and what I am and what I am to become.

I’ve met different people from many walks of life, from failed International boxers to an IMA drop out, an Asian Paints hero who left and to people how have their own paint shops, from gym lovers to those who need liquid courage inside them to proclaim their love and more so, I have seen one commonality, one common denominator which makes the gel cohesive between all of them — Jealousy. The embers flicker and burn in the corner of their eyes, jealous to be better than the latter, jealous of what the other has and who pouts better. Open your eyes, pride should come from the fact that you are a better person now than you were yesterday and jealous of the potential you don’t yet have.

“Jealousy: A sentiment which is born in love and which is produced by the fear that the loved one prefers someone else”

I walked through a cemetery, a funeral in progress, the silent sobs and wheezing was inevitable. But what missed the ears of most was the symphony of withered voices of loved ones. It was grey. Right from the headstones to the angelic sculptures. There was no sun. There was no need for it. Not today. The whole world was shrouded under the weight of the buried one. The ashes scattered over the Ganges, now lay clumpy and sodden on the banks. A million souls, memories flown away and forgotten. There is no jealousy among the dead, no honour and certainly no life. There is a lesson to be learnt here. There is no more than you can do now, today. Sometimes all you need is your father’s shoulders. There is a time to be strong and there is time to be weak. Just make sure your actions are in place. The trophy will be waiting.

‘Karam’ karo, ‘veer’ ban jaoge.