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Tanay Dixit
Jul 10, 2017 · 3 min read

At times I wake up late at night dripping in sweat, uncomfortable and sometimes scared. I turn over and check the phone. I breathe slowly, thats something which helps me relax. but I’m still awake, then I stare at blank TV screen. I imagine a movie playing there. I try to make sense of what I see.

I see a weak, depressed person trying to play the lead in his life. But all that is happening is he is on a downward spiral. He thinks he knows what he is upto. But those thoughts are just to please himself.

He is faking things. His laughs, his smiles, his fun side, his confident side. Deep down he knows he has to wear these masks. To survive.

His story has now become only about survival. Survive each day without a nervous breakdown. Survive each day without having self doubts. Survive each day without questioning his existence.

There are other characters in the story. Some love him. Some support him. Some despise him. Some dont even care about his existence. The problem is this guy knows who falls in what pool. Still wont trust his intuition. He assumes people being in different pools. Sets expectations. Then feels pain.

He falls for the mirages repeatedly. He still keeps trying to open locked doors. If this were a superhero movie, his superpower and his biggest nemesis would have been the same thing. “Hope”

He is hoping for the light. He is hoping for the wisdom. He wishes well for everyone. But hopes that someday he get what he deserves. Or may be this is what he deserves. You never know.

Then the movie starts to feel like a drag. Thats when I realise this is everyone’s story. This is mid-life crises. I leave the bed and start enacting the movie in real life.

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