4 Signs Your Inner Child Needs Your Attention

In today’s psychology, the inner child is a metaphorical term to address the ‘child’ within you. It’s a symbol between you and your link to the emotional and psychological events you underwent as a child. We might find ourselves reminiscing about the good old childhood days: the ice cream we used to buy every week, our favorite toys, childhood best friends and the memories we made together, and many more. But the link also connects to the fragments of unpleasant memories and sometimes, if not properly taken care of, could affect our behavior and emotional responses completely.

This concept of rediscovering inner child wounds and how they affect human psychology was first introduced by psychologist Carl Jung after he examined his own childlike inner feelings and emotions. BetterHelp, a therapy platform that provides access to professional practitioners worldwide, even stated that many clients find this theory beneficial as they address symptoms in therapy and reflect on their inner selves.

Everyone has an inner child. You do, and I do too. Together, let’s look at these four common signs of an inner child calling for attention.

1. Afraid to set boundaries
Believe it or not, setting boundaries plays its part in determining one’s well-being. If done correctly, it could also promote self-growth and success as it guides us in maintaining a healthy balance between work, relationships, and self-care.

Communication is key when it comes to conveying the boundaries you have established. State the things you like and dislike or things you can accept and not accept clearly to ensure your well-being and productivity aren’t compromised.

But when it gets increasingly difficult to determine what is fine and what is not, it is suggested that you take a step back and evaluate how you determine your own self-worth because how one determines their worth is crucial in setting boundaries.

For example, you have finished your work for the day, but a colleague is asking your help to finish theirs. Here, you have two options. One is to reject because you already have plans ahead and it is not ideal to work overtime to catch up with your schedule or the second, consider it helping a friend.

It should be easy to make a choice, right? Especially, when you already have prioritization in mind. People with the difficulty of setting boundaries don't think the same way. One would feel the pressure of wanting to always be ‘available’ and they feel ‘bad’ and ‘guilty’ about rejecting the request. If they set a boundary, they are afraid that they will be perceived as ‘lazy’ or ‘unprofessional’ by those around them.

It’s important to know that it’s okay to say ‘no’ to the things you don’t like. Recognize that setting boundaries is not a sign of weakness, but rather an act of strength and self-respect. You can start by practicing self-compassion and acknowledging your needs, eventually building a healthy relationship with yourself and others.

2. Feeling lonely
Loneliness is not a bad thing. We feel lonely from time to time and that is okay. People have their own things to take care of, even those you hold dear, and respecting their personal lives is a way to ensure healthy relationships. But when it is starting to consume you, making you do non-meaningful stuff to pack your schedule or causing the fear of being left out, that is when it requires more attention.

When loneliness is starting to get to you in an eerie, unpleasant way, that you are starting to become scared of it and avoid it as much as you can, it’s a sign of something that roots deeper than what meets the eye. This results in a variety of coping mechanisms, things done to avoid feeling lonely.

A study done by Hosana Tagomori, Sam Fardghassemi, and Helene Joffe concluded that Seeking connection, avoidance, seeking support, cognitive strategies, meaning-focused coping, and distraction are the most common practices to deal with loneliness. However, as effective as those methods seem, participants still admitted to having some ‘yearning’ and not finding the methods fulfilling.

3. Trust issue
Have you ever found it difficult to trust someone or some people in your life? Most of us, during childhood, are taught by our parents or caretakers to always be careful with strangers and we carry that until now. Well, stranger danger is true and has proved to exist in many different scenarios. But, what if that untrusty feeling is becoming too much for others, or even for you, to handle?

This is what you call a trust issue. It is when an individual finds it incredibly difficult to put their trust in others out of fear of being hurt or having their safety threatened. In some cases, they don’t even trust themselves. This feeling, if prolonged and uncontrolled, could lead to cracks in relationships.

A study conducted in 2015 found that the inclination to trust others is shaped by genetic factors, while distrust, conversely, is not genetically tied and is primarily connected to socialization elements, such as family dynamics and external influences.

So, if your trust issue is getting too much for your own good, causing problems in forming intimate connections with others, there is a good chance that it is something that your inner child brings with them.

4. Unhealthy attachments
There are four basic attachment styles that were first brought up by John Bowlby in Bowlby’s attachment theory: Anxious, Avoidant, Disorganized, and Secure. Which attachment style do you have? Find out here for free.

The theory states that attachments are inherent. If a child’s immediate requirement for a safe attachment connection is not fulfilled, the child perceives a threat and responds accordingly, often by expressing distress or seeking their caregiver. Furthermore, when the necessity for a reliable bond is inconsistently fulfilled, the child may face challenges in social, emotional, and cognitive development.

From the theory itself, it could be recognized that how we perceive bonds and how to feel and act towards them has been developed since the early stages of our lives.

A simple example of an unhealthy attachment is a “co-dependent” relationship between a parent and child. Consider it a situation in which the parent is emotionally dependent on their child, burdening the child with responsibilities like managing the parent’s emotional well-being or providing excessive care and attention. The child, in response, may feel a surge of responsibility for their parent’s happiness and may sacrifice their own needs and desires to cater to the parent.

What could happen from the example above is the child having their emotional growth and autonomy obstructed, making it challenging for them to form healthy relationships outside this bond because then, they will apprehend this unhealthy dynamic as normal.

All the issues above could stem from the experiences we all had during our childhood. There are countless studies and research that talk about how early life events shape our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in adulthood.

The act of being afraid to assert boundaries might come from experiencing immense guilt as a child and it could prompt some people to become “people-pleasers” in the later stages of their lives. Meanwhile, a never-ending, acute sense of loneliness might stem from the act of negligence one encountered during childhood.

Trust issues also could come from often being told destructive lies and the same with unhealthy attachment, being surrounded and fed with problematic bonds during the early stages of development. All of these underlying problems, if not resolved properly, might lead to more distress that may affect both personal and professional lives.

At one point in time, when you are ready, it is best to confront the issue right on. Sit with yourself and determine the root cause of the lingering loneliness eating you from the inside.

All the problems listed above require patience and resilience to get over. It is important to receive support, whether from yourself or others, to be able to identify the root causes of the difficulties you are facing. It is a long yet nurturing journey of self-discovery and self-compassion and the best part about it is you don’t have to do it alone.

You can seek professional help, equipped with valuable tools and techniques, to aid you with the transition. You can also seek support from a supportive community where you can share experiences, gain insights, and connect with others on a similar healing journey.

Listen to your inner child with an open heart and validate their emotions. Allow them to express their feelings, fears, and needs without judgment. Assure them that their feelings are valid and understood. After all, they are your childhood self, who endured all the pain and struggles to get you to this very point in your life.