Adyashanti vs Doughnut.

Or why I quit spiritual seeking after almost 10 years.

I have been seeking since I know myself.

Serious seeking had begun in 2009, when my life turned around, living me with divorce, depression and a new baby in my hands without any means of support, no access to public funds and no relatives in the UK.

Post-natal depression diagnosis didn’t lead anywhere, but pills that got me to feel worse and reduced my coping mechanism to nothing.

On a good side, I had a secure and interesting job with great people with the opportunity of professional growth, exciting travels, and meeting many new people.

Being a single mum without family support is an extremely challenging position to be.
Not that it ultimately lands single parent into disempowered and financially vulnerable position, but for me mainly it was about the sense of loneliness, feeling like a misfit into the societal family image and lack of belonging.

The most challenging part was to keep going. I knew I was capable and resourceful to rebuild, to start again, but doubted a great deal my ability to make good choices for myself. I looked at my personal life as a failure. Failed long term marriage was never planned. And I was living in a shadow of questioning it all: Myself, my judgment, my worth, my looks, my habits, my sense of style, my behaviour, my liking of men, my choices of…