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Goodenough road, in 2013

I can’t recall the name of the visitor, neither the reason why she came for a very short visit then. But what I remember clearly is her face: around 40 years old, light brown skin, short dark curly hair, and the look of her eyes.

She had a warrior spirit in her. She had the face of someone who went through a lot, and her wisdom of life was expressed in “I am tough. You won’t mess with me”.

I’d easily believe she could stand up for herself and demolish all of her demons with one quick “F@@K Off”.

She introduced to me then a new English concept — “Choose well your battles”.
She said to me that she was giving this advice to her young daughter.

Choose your battles.

Scientists say that an average adult in our era of fast life makes around 35,000 decisions a day. Whether we want to or not — we are choosing all the time. Continuously. Hence, developing positive behaviours reinforcing habits such help and otherwise.

But I am not talking about habits here.

Among these 35,000 daily decisions, there will be few important ones, hanging there and not taken. …

Or why I quit spiritual seeking after almost 10 years.

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I have been seeking since I know myself.

Serious seeking had begun in 2009, when my life turned around, living me with divorce, depression and a new baby in my hands without any means of support, no access to public funds and no relatives in the UK.

Post-natal depression diagnosis didn’t lead anywhere, but pills that got me to feel worse and reduced my coping mechanism to nothing.

On a good side, I had a secure and interesting job with great people with the opportunity of professional growth, exciting travels, and meeting many new people.

Being a single mum without family support is an extremely challenging position to be.
Not that it ultimately lands single parent into disempowered and financially vulnerable position, but for me mainly it was about the sense of loneliness, feeling like a misfit into the societal family image and lack of belonging.

The most challenging part was to keep going. I knew I was capable and resourceful to rebuild, to start again, but doubted a great deal my ability to make good choices for myself. I looked at my personal life as a failure. Failed long term marriage was never planned. And I was living in a shadow of questioning it all: Myself, my judgment, my worth, my looks, my habits, my sense of style, my behaviour, my liking of men, my choices of acquaintances, etc.

From then on, the hardest bit was to make life important decisions. Choice sounded like potential punishment. The devastatingly dangerous part here is not to create a new unhealthy self-judgments based on previous failures.

My marriage is broken because:.
…I wasn’t good enough,
… He was a terrible guy, a mistake,
… I am not attractive enough/too young/too old/etc
… We never meant to be together…
… It wasn’t a real love…”

Mind can produce a whole list of reasons — hundreds of “Why”, simply because the mind is looking for the way to be in balance again.


Mind will seek in the whole list of scenarios or WHYs one “why” that will give us a sense of peace and acceptance and ability to move on. Or in other words.
It’s programmed to seek the balance. It’s a mind’s job.

Until this WHY is found, we will not have peace. And some of US may find themselves seeking and talking about issues that happened ages ago that still hasn’t got needed closure.

I began seeking with my visits to Psychiatrist, Counsellor and Marriage Councillor. I think I soon became frustrated as I found at that time that it was rather a slow process without giving any assurances of me feeling eventually better.

Later, I was introduced to Reiki Master and begun studying Reiki. And with it, the whole new perspective on life was introduced to me.
The best part here was that there was finally a solution offered. In spirituality, most modalities that I later encountered, there is a certain hope for a miracle is offered.
And that is what made spiritual seeking so attractive to me. It’s appealing to those whose coping mechanisms are running on extreme low, who lost hopes, who feel broken and often lonely and vulnerable and who seek some personal closure. As I was back in 2010.

The best part of seeking was an introduction to meditation and mindfulness techniques. It clicked with me immediately. For the first time, I was able to relax within myself genuinely. And today, I remain a total believer and supporter of mindfulness techniques.

In 2011 I came across Life Alignment — the healing methodology that finally seemed as bringing all dots together. The all-inclusive, pioneering, dynamic approach to the healing of body and mind.

I decided to study it, and by 2016 qualified as a practitioner stopped my full-time job and started my practice.

During 2011–2016, I have become a devoted meditator, attending different meditation retreats, among which my favourite tradition — Vipassana. …

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I have been driven to do something around gender equality, particularly women equal life opportunity issue since 2011 when I came across research that shown clearly that mothers without family support are one of the most inclined towards depression layer of the population.

And children that are growing up with parents who suffer from depression have the highest chance to be depressed themselves.

And I thought to myself if we collectively really working on this planet to build a better future for our children why the heck we don’t do anything about this?

Since I have connected to women work, being coach and facilitator for women empowerment — this voice of enquiry — “can I be that woman that will save the world” would nag me in the number of occasions.
What can I do on a personal level to make the difference? …

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My job as a Coach before anything else is to empower my client, so by the end each session their level of confidence rises and thy ultimately receiving a refreshed overview of their life.

Empowerment is about feeling better about oneself and having regained sense of confidence.

So why being empowered is important?

1. It contributes towards the expansion of personal awareness.

People who are more aware have a sober and grounded overlook on their life and life of others. Self-awareness supports in better dealing with personal grudges, fears, self-judgments and criticism. …

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Look high. T.Z.

My spiritual awakening journey began in 2008 with the birth of my daughter. In one week I experienced the highest and lowest of my whole life and this wavy sea of confused ups and downs didn’t stop for a while.
… Hormonal changes, postnatal depression?

Yes, I signup my name under those labels. But agreeing with them didn’t make me feel any better. You see, I am so grateful for the survival instinct. It makes you seek and never stop at places of darkest despairs and hopelessness.

When I held my daughter in my arms, I experienced wide heart opening, as spiritual circles describe it. In my own words, I felt so much fulfilment in me and ecstasy that suddenly this whole mess that is called life made a sense. …

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Someone somewhere decided to put the stain on you.

The stain that is irremovable. You don’t know that and keep trying to clean yourself of it.

Day by day, year by year, centuries and millenniums have passed, and you are still trying…

The cleaning products have become so much more advanced.

The science is trying to recreate you anew, without the stain.

You are covering that stain with laughter, that is fake, and with waterproof makeup.

You have tried to clear it up with clever political discussions and philosophical theories.

You have tried to numb it, make it still, make it disappear by pretending it’s not there — it doesn’t exist. …

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This simple question “What do I really want?” that is an engine of beautiful and complex thing called life, surprisingly doesn’t have a straight and easy answer.

Mostly, people will be driven in their day to day life by wants that avoid pain and discomfort. But should these immediate needs be totally satisfied, what would be an answer?

Find out for yourself.

Imagine one by one that what you want — you already have.
By imagining, I mean to literally see yourself as in the movie, where everything you want has happened already.

Feel the emotions, savour the moment.
And then, move to another want. And another one. And another one….
Reflect. How far will you manage to get? …


Tania Zayets

Empowerment expert, Social Change Visionary and Leader

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