I Am A Cyclist, And I Am Here To Fuck You Up
kelly catchpole

I see you, as you clash and bleat at one another. Velocipedes. Horseless Carriages. Struggling for dominance and the last raised mid-finger. And I pity you both.

I am The Pedestrian. I need not mechanical monstrosity to travel the city, for I fly on the wings of Chuck and Taylor, who are all-stars in the pantheon of conveyance. My travel trumps all others, for I carry the mighty Right-of-Way at my side, even when velocipede or horseless carriage fails to halt at my zebra’d crossing; As per the decrees of Nicechester or Cuddleville or wherever the fuck it is that you live.

So get off my goddamned sidewalk. Walk. It’s in the goddamned name. Not ride. Walk. Goddammit.

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