A new chapter of my Life…
Something felt empty, just not right, as per what I had thought my life to turn out to be. I wanted the simplest of joys, simplest of success and it all came crashing down to what was not asked for but given to you. My friends and juniors in college did provide enough support unknowingly and that always held me together. I shared the emptiness with my mom and my sister who were quite surely the people to talk to as they knew me better than most of the people out there. I knew I was not at all at ease with Rachel gone from my life and the void that needed to be filled was a huge one. I was no more able to share my joys and the pain with anyone as even though it is my family I am talking there comes a boundary to what all I can have a chat about and what all I can share. I guess I was looking for sometime off my personal life, sometime off my wild thinking that still believed that there might be some way by which I can still get back with Rachel. Stupid heart doesn’t really understand what really is that is going on and surely doesn’t get it when it’s too personal for you. Waiting for calls and message reverts was something that the heart really needed and though it was something that did not actually mean that the relationship is going to revive, it surely tranquilized the pain that did exist. Soon it was quite clear that things are not at all going to be the way I want them to be. And after a heated up discussion we parted our ways holding some grudges against each other while also understanding that it wasn’t the fault of the other person.
So, as a result, I did stopped being social, I still am that way, not that it pleases me, but just that I have lost the purpose of being social. It’s a mean world out there, always seeking an opportunity to pounce on it and to make you pay, no matter if you are not bothering them or not, its not what they care about. I guess it has been perfectly said…
Man is the cruelest animal,” says Zarathustra. “When gazing at tragedies, bull-fights, crucifixations he hath hitherto felt happier than at any other time on Earth. And when he invented Hell…lo, Hell was his Heaven on Earth”; he could put up with suffering now, by contemplating the eternal punishment of his oppressors in the other world.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
So it turned out to be the part where I stopped caring about what is happening around me and worrying more about what I wanted to do professionally.
Life stopped me from achieving happiness in personal life but I can still be the star in my professional life
…was something that kept me going for a long long time. Soon I was in the IT industry as a designer trying to stamp my imprint on whatever product I designed. I do say that it actually allows people to use things more wisely and to use it in a way that is a part of their daily lives, but this is surely not all of it. I wanted to be more closer to the people, to understand them, to judge them, to know what they mean when they say something and what they don’t mean, what drives them to make a decision and what doesn’t drive their thoughts. Something I had been trying to decode ever since by break up that happened. I was soon getting some peace getting to know the people better and to behave as per the expected norms rather than getting too connected to them.
A new person with the rarest of similarities between us walked into my life. Someone with a totally different set of beliefs, with the will to make her life better and to secure her future, though with some decisions that had taken her wayward in her personal life, but wishing she could mend her ways and make her life better. It again started off with a simple chat on Facebook (yeah, by this time Orkut was as dead as a door-nail), I was just hoping at my heart that yeah this person was someone who was clean at heart and had no intentions to hurt me, but I should not fall for her as I had already seen what love is for the current generation (Yup that was my belief), so I started off on the wrong foot itself trying to piss her off more and more. Hoping that she would be pissed at me and would actually lose hope. How did I do that, well by just being open to her and not filtering out what I said to her at all.
Quite rarely this happens with me, but, she fell in love with the asshole that I was trying to be and that started off a relationship the way I had never expected it to be. It was sweet and simple, like I had started off with Rachel but also this time it was more of the other half missing me than me missing her. She was a gem in her very own way, a preacher of Christianity and a beautiful caring person at heart. Yeah she had some habits that I don’t ever agree to, but she was willing to get rid of them and to make it work for proving her part in this relationship. She promised the world to me and is surely keeping her promises ever since.
I started to grow a soft corner again for someone, something I had thought would never happen anytime soon, but what can be surely said about life is that it’s surely unpredictable.
This part of the unpredictable life is what I did really cherish, something that is not so common with me as I tend to be more practical now. Soon the void that I had was no more there and I had someone to talk to whenever I needed someone. It’s great how life has plans for you that you don’t even know about until you are in middle of one of those beautiful plans. It tests you out, makes you learn the hard truths and yet again helps you to get back up again. Entices you with events that had already happened in your lives once and waits keenly on what move you make now.
I’ve had my share of the good and the bad moments and I am glad to say, I am cherishing the good moments more than rotting over the bad ones.
This one is for you girl, it’s especially for you. It’s you who made my Personal life as lively as my Professional one and are continuing to support the cause ever since. :)