How Many F’s Do You Give?

Disagreements are inevitable. Quantifying and comparing how much you legitimately care about something is great way to decide if it’s worth a tussle.

Photo by Dawid Zawiła on Unsplash

Regardless of how close we are to the people we share space with — bosses, coworkers, partners, children — we all have our own thoughts, opinions, and values that guide the decisions we make. When we fail to see eye-to-eye, the possibility of conflict is left staring us in the face.

When this happens, there are a couple of ways to handle the situation.

One is to argue. Stand your ground and state your case with vim and vigor. Because the loudest voice wins, right?


This is like ricocheting a tennis ball between brick walls. It just pings back and forth without making a dent in either surface.

Try this approach instead. On a scale of 1 to 10, ask yourself and your sparring partner how many Fs you actually give about the matter at hand.

Quantifying and comparing how much you legitimately care about something is a great way to decide if it’s worth a tussle.

Side note: If Fs aren’t your thing, hoots, darns, flocks, and 💩 are all worthy substitutes. What you give doesn’t matter as much as how many you give.

You’ll quickly realize that most arguments are based on principle, not importance, because people have a tendency to defend their side and their wishes, however superficial they might be. Stepping back and acknowledging how F’ing important something is forces you to also examine why it’s that F’ing important in the first place.

In the event that an equal amount of Fs are given on both sides, you’ll be better prepared to articulate, hear, and discuss the reason for those Fs.

You may even change your F’ing mind before you lose it.

Originally published at on October 16, 2017.