Recipe for a healthy discussion

A workplace without some healthy friction and intense discussions over work is boring. I want to compare it to those lectures where no questions are ever happily 
entertained and you are supposed to remember whatever was taught in the class 
verbatim.

Discussions, if open-minded and impartial, force us to expand the horizons of our capability to think. They help us get such interesting insights into things that we might not have been able to come up on our own simply because the thought process of every human being is very different.

But more often than not, when a group passionate about something starts off, it ends up crossing the fine line that transforms a debate into a strafe of disparaging remarks that ultimately lead to a slightly dysfunctional working environment.

I am sharing a little “recipe” here from my experiences that made a difference to how I think and added some important entries to my lessons for life. Feel free to suggest what can be added to this recipe.

Ingredients

· Topic of discussion — With a clearly defined scope

· 2 or more open minded people with the capability to actively 
listen.

· Medium of communication that facilitates rather than morph clear 
meaning.

· Timekeeper/Mediator — Optional

Method

1. Plan the discussion — invite people, set a context, book a place/some other medium to communicate clearly and define an agenda.

2. Get all the parties up to date on the topic of discussion and its scope.

3. Make sure all of them have access to the medium of communication.

4. Give each party ample time to assess the issue at hand and come up with their conclusions.

5. Once in the discussion room, let the flow of ideas begin.

6. The discussion doesn’t need to be orchestrated by one person or a set of rules (in fact, in my opinion it SHOULD NOT be). But if the group digresses from the set scope, and if the new trail is not adding anything constructive, point it out and get the group back on the subject.

7. When either of the following happens — the group tires out (runs out of ideas), the time is up, an agreeable conclusion is reached upon- summarise the take away and thank each other for sharing their 
thoughts and ideas.

The Do’s

• Keep an open mind. Be flexible. The idea behind a discussion is not to edify everyone else and convince them that your thoughts and ideas are supreme. Do not forget that it is an “exchange” of ideas. Everyone should present their ideas and then come up with a solution that is better than what either of them considered to be the best (prior to the discussion).
• Ask relevant questions. Do not shy away from asking if you do not understand the thought process of a person or even the rest of the group.
• Use neutral and non-dramatic language.
• Make sure that the arguments you are making have substance to them.
• In an objective discussion, stick to the facts! The known and proven facts. If there is any doubt in what you are claiming, check it, double check it. And if that is not possible at the time of the discussion, make sure you update the group later on.
• In a subjective discussion, the ideas are not based on many facts and hence the discussion can digress. Be very careful to not digress or start going in circles with redundant arguments.
• If the discussion is to discuss demerits of a process/person et al and point to problems, if possible, include positives when pointing out the negatives. This would put an overall picture into perspective. If the subject of discussion doesn’t have any merits to it, take extra care to not extrapolate the negatives. So criticise. But constructively.

Traps to Avoid

• Melodrama. Even if you are opposed by someone, and think what you are saying is right, do not react too aggressively. Keep you language, the tone of your voice and body language in control. There’s a fine line beyond which heated debates generate so much emotion and drama that the entire team becomes dysfunctional. Make sure to not cross it.
• An argument that is put in place to make a point to belittle someone or his/her ideas will not add anything constructive to the discussion.
• Do not generalise — especially in subjective discussions. Phrases like “it always is the case” or “never does he” leave little to be discussed upon it, hence, destroying the very purpose.
• Avoid asking rhetorical questions or making statements that do not expect an answer. That again destroys the very purpose of discussion.

The focus should be on information transfer. Everyone should learn something. And at the end, the discussion should either leave a smile on your face or leave you in a state of rumination over how much you learned.

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* give and take constructive criticism