What is one thing you wish you did more of?
Last Friday afternoon, just for fun, a friend from Sydney started posting a series of reflective questions on a WhatsApp group. Among them, one question strikingly stood out. It was a simple question — “What is one thing you wish you did more of?”. Yet, I did not know how to answer it immediately. Just like choosing a single ice cream scoop, this was hard because I have to select from multiple important alternatives.
On Saturday evening, as we tucked into dinner, I put this question to another friend. After some thought, he sensibly stated that he wished to exercise more regularly. I too considered reading and meditating. But they did not quite seem to satisfy me. I felt my answer ought to be something that involved other people — something that would really push me to think about others. Then on Sunday, after doing something that I had been tardy with, I found my elusive answer.
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The long overdue catch-up
When I was in Sydney in April, I had gotten so busy with a guest lecture presentation at my alma mater that I had little time to catch up with many people. I had intended to set up a time to call one of my closest high school teachers but I took an inexcusably long time to get around to it. After she confirmed her availability, I Skyped her landline. This social science teacher, let’s call her Ms Ann, had arguably the greatest influence on my life of all of my teachers. She not only did the usual “cool teacher” things like make her subject really fun and interesting but she also supported me during some of the most critical moments in my life. These included Grade 12, when I felt like giving up on the Higher School Certificate, and the start of university — when going from a “pond to the big ocean” made it difficult to fit in. When settling into a lonely existence in Saudi Arabia during a rather difficult time, I remember her simple advice. She created an image of heading to something bigger than the current difficulty by “placing one step ahead of the next”. As humans we can truly overcome any situation and achieve incredible things simply by turning up day in, day out. I never quit and nor did she.
Over the years, she has taught me the value of hard work, the importance of integrity and not letting others and circumstances prevent me from striving to make a positive difference in the world. Allow me to elaborate on how special she is in another way. Days before my HSC Geography Final exam, she hand-delivered my last set of marked practice essays to my doorstep. As a great mentor, she was also firm and uncompromising when I made mistakes. She did not hesitate to tell me that I had to rewrite my entire Honours Thesis introduction or notify me that I had forwarded an inappropriate email to my classmates in Year 11.
In the four months that had passed since my last visit to Sydney, I had no idea that so much had happened in her life. She faced numerous family and health struggles. What was most remarkable was that through all of that, she first wanted to know so much about me and what I was working on (for example, my start-up). I learnt that she was keeping strong and still doing incredible, selfless things for her family, her community and the public school system. She volunteered to dedicate her teaching career to public schools even though she could easily have made it “big time” in the private school system. So humble is she that all she wished for was to be able to work and live another ten years. She wanted to support her children and just see her youngest son through to adulthood.
During the call, as if to remind me of the old teacher-student days, she offered advice on personal relationships and even gave me homework! I had to read about Ted Trainer’s ideas on the “simple economy”.
I remember vividly the last time that I felt guilty about not reaching out to special people who made a difference in my life. Returning from a vacation to Bangladesh in 2007, Ms Ann informed me that my former high school Head of Social Sciences, Mr. Phillip Day, was in the final stages of cancer. She provided his mobile number and I called to organise a hospital visit. Being the gentlemen that Mr. Day always was, he discouraged me from making the trek from my home in Western Sydney to the Eastern Suburbs that evening. Sadly, a few days later, he passed away. To this day, I feel really sad that I did not see him one last time when I had the chance. I do not know if I could forgive myself if I similarly missed one last opportunity to speak with Ms Ann.
We will always make new friends and mentors who will come for small and long periods of time to guide and comfort us. But there will only ever be one set of school teachers or old neighbours who one grew up seeing walk their dogs.
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I think I finally have an answer to my friend’s thought-provoking question:
I simply wish that at least once a year, I would reach out to all of the special people, beyond close friends and family, who have made a significant difference in my life.
I wish that I would just check up on them, let them know how I am doing, gain some inspiration from them and receive some life wisdom. Most importantly, I want to make their day a little better. I wish to let them know that they mattered to me and that they have been a part of my life journey.
I stand here today because they graced my path and left a part of them in me.
Readers out there — what’s something that you wish you did more of on a regular basis? Has someone influenced your life? I hope this article inspires you to reach out to them. Share your thoughts in the comments below.
