Feeling Angry? What Is Your IQ?

You might be really smart and intelligent. I'm not interested. Because your intelligence has very little to do with your happiness. Meanwhile it does create standards in your brain and when they're not met, you feel angry. There's another way to look at it and that's the perception of unfairness or injustice. This is the cause of most, if not all, anger.

Your anger is nothing but the results of your feelings which are generated by the meaning you give to any event that happened to you

Behavior → The event

Thoughts → This is so “unfair”

Emotions → Angry you

Believe me or not, but no other person will ever do, or did or never will upset you. The bitter truth is you are the reason behind creating every little ounce of your anger. It is like any other emotion is created by your cognition. And there's only one person in this world who has the power to threaten your self esteem, which will make you angry and that is you. So stop creating your anger.

How can you stop creating your anger?

Well, the answer is simple but tricky and doesn't come handy. Because anger is extremely good at taking over the control if you missed to take care of it, even by a very little extent. It will tell you to say crap, you will. It will tell you to go jump out of the window, you will.

Speak when you’re angry and you will make the best speech you’ll ever regret — Laurence J. Peter.

Unless you reverse the situation and take a moment of silence. (Yes, if I tell you to take a moment to think then it will be totally hypothetical, because at a moment someone yelling at you or perhaps something happened to your least expectations. You will not be in a state to think rightly. And instead whatever you will think about will most probably be a distorted thought. At least for a moment or two.) So, don't think just silent yourself for a few seconds or minute. Then what is right will automatically come out.

When you’re angry, count to 10. When you’re very angry, count to 100 — Thomas Jefferson

Think And Reflect

Once you have practice silence. You will gradually become able to think after some time. The right thing. Even in such situations. Let me tell you, what should be the very best thing to think about, if you’re ever caught, wait, when you will be caught in such a situation.

Try to see the whole situation from another person's eyes. Put yourself in his shoe. And you will find, whatever actions he is taking are not unfair at all from his point if view. Show empathy. Not sympathy. Not even support but empathy. When you show sympathy, you're actually trying to feel what he is feeling, which is next to impossible when you're angry. Unless you're a guru. Though you can, after cooling down.When you're trying to support him. You are trying to accept his faulty behavior. That won't do any good but will make him lower in your eyes, to some extent. So instead of this, show empathy. Empathy is understanding his thoughts and reactions with exact accuracy in such a way that the person says, yes that's exactly where I'm coming from.

How will you do it? One simple way is, answer the questions you would want to ask him. And try to answer it like you will answer if you have done what he has done.

I know it's kind of complicated, let me give you an example.

Suppose you went to a party and the waiter served wine to everyone but didn't fill your glass. Now, you may think, why didn't he fill my glass? Does he think down on me? He must be thinking I'm not important.

Now put yourself in his position, and ask yourself the same question. Is this really the reason you wouldn't have filled someone's glass?

Maybe you have overseen his glass, or you might have been thinking about something while serving and missed that one glass. It's not like you don't like him, or think down on him. It just happened. So there's no point of getting angry.

Or something like that. You can come up with better examples.

Rewrite the rules.

Not a single person in the world is willing to have your punishment. So, try to reward the desired behavior instead of punishing the undesired behavior.

Because the irony of the anger is, it never works in changing others. So there's no point losing your cool for someone's rotten behavior towards you. THEY DON'T MATTER. And your inner peace is important.

Cool those hot thoughts down

There's another case of overgeneralization of the situation and self defeating thoughts. For example, if you're getting late and leave to take the bus and unfortunately you miss the bus. And have to wait for another one. So you tell yourself, OK this is enough. I can't take it! Well, cool down honey, you are waiting here and doing this anyway, so you can take it. No need to exaggerate it and make your bad situation even worse and fuming over it. It will only hurt you at the end and ruin your day and no one else's.

Will you tell someone bad things if he is already going through some down period in his life? I hope you probably answer, no. Well, then why you? Go easy on yourself. Don't be so harsh. You have done nothing to deserve it.

In conclusion

when you’re angry next time, ask yourself is it worth it? Take a minute to reflect and choose to be cool and handle the situation like a pro instead of losing it like a psycho straight out of the mental asylum. If can’t? Read how to talk back.