My Relapse

TAO Connect
Aug 23, 2017 · 3 min read

I was sleeping in my new apartment that I had just moved into the day before when I was woken up by a police officer tapping my shoulder. He had just climbed up to the second story to enter through my balcony door.

He asked me “Hey Kerry, how are you doing? Do you need an ambulance?”

“No thanks, I’m good”, I replied.

“Your parents called- they were worried about you so I came to check up on you.”

I immediately started to panic and feel sick but replied, “Yeah, I lost my phone, everything is fine though.”

He adjusted himself as he was preparing to leave and began to look around to assess that I was ok- he saw a small apartment with only a mattress on the floor, unpacked bags, junk food garbage scattered around, an eight-week-old puppy wandering around with its feces spread throughout the place, and me lying next to an empty bag of wine and beer cans all over. “Ok, well you should probably call your parents, they’re worried about you.”

“OK, thank you officer, have a good day.”

That was May 20th, 2012- just the day before, I was eight months sober and had just finished going through 4 different treatment centers to help me with my alcohol addiction. After the cop had left I knew I had two options: clean everything up, call my parents, and pretend it never happened; or be honest and deal with the guilt and shame that you feel when you should pick up your 24-hour chip. Being the alcoholic that I am, I immediately sprang out of bed as fast as my hangover would let me and started cleaning and preparing lies to hide my relapse.

I managed to keep my hoax of sobriety for about 3 days before I talked to my sponsor, got honest, and realized that relapse is nothing to be ashamed of. I overcame my guilt and have been in long-term recovery ever since.

I like to think my story and relapse is unique since I gained and lost so much in the timespan of 48 hours (an apartment, a dog, a job, 8 months sober, collegiate recovery scholarship)- but my story could be that of nearly any addict or alcoholic.

Many of the recovery skills you learn are as just as unique to recovery as my relapse, from coping with cravings, recovering from a relapse, or identifying your core values in recovery. These are a few of the tools that can be universally taught through a variety of mediums.

If you are questioning your substance use or are in your early stages of recovery, I encourage you to check out some of TAO’s modules, which can help reinforce the skills necessary to maintain long-term recovery.

“If this story sounds familiar, give us a call (844.438.8262) or email kerry.chamberlain@taoconnect.org to see how we can help”

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TAO Connect
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