The Daruma Doll

Last summer, while at the Fushimi Inari Shrine in Kyoto, I carefully selected my Daruma doll from the dozens of others and anxiously watched as he was wrapped in newspapers and handed to me in one of those mysteriously always-perfect-sized Japanese plastic bags.

The day I bought him, it was pouring rain and we had hiked urban miles to get to the right train stations to find the shrine. But despite all of the hurdles, I knew I really wanted to see this shrine on our last afternoon in Kyoto.

I wish it hadn’t been pouring rain because there were many twisting trails through the woods that we didn’t explore, but then I’m also glad it was raining because it gave the whole experience a bit of a surreal vibe as the trails we did end up walking along were practically glowing with the weird, gray, rainy day light reflecting off of the bright orange shrines. This was my favorite shrine that we visited on the trip. I loved the orange arches and the foxes and the sense that this was a shrine that was still used by everyday people and not just for the tourists.

Last summer, I was at a personal crossroads with regard to my career and as I walked around the shrine that day, I remember being filled with an overwhelming, but comforting sense that my feelings of confusion and misdirection were universal. I was just one of the many other people who also feel lost and confused in the struggle to find a meaningful balance between fulfilling work and well-lived life.

It was humbling, but also bolstering, in that weird combination of emotions that sometimes comes from recognizing the humanity in other people.

Once home, I didn’t fill in the eye of my Daruma right away. I thought maybe I would wait until I started my new job and then I would fill it in and set a goal for success in that role. But, despite placing him on my desk and gazing at him often during those first, long months, my gut told me that this wasn’t where my goal should be and that I shouldn’t fill in the eye just yet. I wish I had listened to my gut about a few more things back then, but as with many things in life, it ended up being a live-and-learn moment, one that I hope I’m not quick to forget.

A friend told me the lighting was very dramatic on these shots. I was working with what I had in the moment (dim desk lamp), but then I think it also captures the significance of the moment for me. I’m glad that I had the foresight to photograph it. I really like looking at these pictures.

This past week, I finally filled in the eye and set a goal. I’m at a personal crossroads again, but this time my gut is telling me to take the leap and see where I land. I’m excited for when I get to fill in his other eye, but I’m also okay with taking some time to be still, listen to my gut, and trust the process.