Work Status: Single

Six Tips for Getting Back in the Game

A new job is just like a new relationship. I’ll explain.

The newness is exciting, exhilarating even. Being chosen feels awesome and gives you a sense of self-worth (good or bad). There’s real pride in having a title, right?

During the courting process, both sides put their best foot forward so that the most beautiful picture is painted of how things will be. You give it some thought, weigh the pros and cons, talk it over with friends, and decide you’re going to go for it. “I accept!”

The beginning is great. So kind, supportive, and accommodating. Lunches, dinners, happy hours, and trips. You feel like royalty as you are introduced around town as a top pick. But, as each week passes, the newness wanes and true colors start to show. You notice something is a little off, but you can’t quite put your finger on it.

Was it that passive aggressive call you received on Monday? Or was it that text you received at 10:38pm Wednesday that required a timely response unbeknownst to you? Come on, you think. Brush that off. It’s way too early to tell. Give it some time. After all, a lot of boxes were checked off here. This opportunity is rare.

A few more weeks pass, and personalities are simply not clicking. Up. Down. Black. White. Right. Wrong. Why is this so difficult? You then approach carefully selected friends about it. Those you hope to corroborate your feelings, but instead tell you what you don’t want to hear: Stick it out. It’ll get better. This is good for you. You are so lucky. Others would kill for your position. Hang in there.

Ok, so you do. Until you can’t any longer.

Pep talk after pep talk in the morning, affirmation after affirmation in the mirror, and serenity prayer recited ad nauseam, it doesn’t get better. That gut feeling in your stomach continues to swell and every day gets a bit harder mentally, emotionally, and physically. Your once million-dollar smile that was so easy to flash appears counterfeit. You work overtime to live through, live past, and live beyond each day that you forget how to live — presently. That’s not life, my dear.

Could you have made a wrong decision? How much longer should you give this? Dammit! You just posted your new status online, so how stupid will it look to pull it back now?!

Stop. Full stop. Now breathe.

Here are the questions you should be asking yourself which ironically are applicable to both personal and professional relationships: Are you happy? Fulfilled? Growing? Do you feel valued? And whose life are you living, really?

Ok, to help answer those questions, I’ll offer six “ahas” I had when I was faced with a less-than-ideal work environment at one point in my career. And a sincere thanks to my tribe for your guidance and support. You know who you are.

1. You Do the Choosing.

In any personal or professional relationship, don’t get so excited about being chosen. You do the choosing. A pretty face or a reputable company name doesn’t alone make a good match. Those external factors can certainly give you validation and get you validation from others, but you will ultimately be the one behind those closed doors moving forward. Do your homework to ensure a good fit. Read company reviews on Glassdoor or Comparably, for example. Connect with individuals on LinkedIn who work there and ask for a networking call with them or with someone who previously held the role you are interested in. The worst thing that can happen is they say no to your request. But what if they say yes?

2. Make Your Wish List.

Do you want to be the boss or just play one on TV? Does a fully remote work environment work for you, Mrs. Extrovert? Dig deep and spend time outlining your non-negotiables for work. Make your list. Check it twice. You got this.

3. Don’t Give a BLEEP About What Others Think.

So many of us, me included, care what others think and how neat things look on the surface. It is hard to admit, but I always have and it’s exhausting.

When I was growing up, the formula I was taught for success post college was to join one big name company, contribute your arse off, work your way up, and stay for life. Demonstrate your loyalty to your employer and you will be rewarded, right? Sure, for some. But nowadays people successfully change jobs every couple of years. Hell, the experts say that you’re “supposed to” have seven career changes in your lifetime. Not job changes. Career changes. And don’t get me started on the number of people who have been laid off recently!

So don’t set unrealistic timelines based upon other people’s rules, and don’t accept a scarlet letter that you think will be placed on your resume for leaving a position “too early” or having a gap. Do you, boo. You are in charge of your narrative, so do what is best and smartest for your situation when and where it makes sense.

4. Take Control. It’s Your Life.

Get in that driver’s seat dammit. Are things expected to be rosy at all times? No. But you aren’t expected to bear thorns every day either. Ask yourself: Is it worth it? If yes, then by all means, stay. If no, then make moves. If there is one thing I learned during the pandemic, it’s that life is short. Tell that person, “Boy, bye.” And tell that job, “Respectfully, thank you but no thank you.” I promise you they will be okay. More importantly, you will be okay.

5. You Lose Some, You Win More.

Yup, I wrote the popular “you win some, you lose some” idiom wrong above, but let’s take a moment to marinate on my edit. If you are in a toxic relationship, personal or professional, take the loss, cut that virus out of your life, and move on. You will be better off in the long run, and will win back your well-being, sanity, and peace of mind. That’s #mentalhealthwinning to me.

Don’t worry. That relationship you left is perfect for someone else. The ball is in your court (last idiom, I promise). The more time you take to assess each experience, learn, and grow from it, the closer you will be to your passion and fulfillment.

6. Follow Your Gut.

Lastly, we have a sixth sense (and this is number 6…whoa!). Feel it. Listen to it. Intently. Make your decision and stick to it, unapologetically. Periodt.

See? There. Woosah. Every situation is a lesson learned. It will teach you what you want, don’t want, don’t like, and can’t stand. And don’t mind people who take offense to your decisions.

I am so proud of you for choosing YOU! And your new relationship with yourself looks really good on ya if I do say so myself.