No, no, no, no, no!
Hello, my name is Tara and I’m a Human Being. I am also a Mother, a Daughter, a Sister, a Friend, a Nurse, a Lover… and so many other wonderful things.
I’ve certainly had my fair share of struggles, but I am decidedly NOT an Alcoholic, an Addict, a Bipolar, a Borderline, a Mistake, a Madwoman, a Codependent, a Coward, a Weakling, an Insubordinate, a Narcissist…
I will not admit to being powerless, and I refuse to take a moral inventory of myself that forces me to take responsibility for behavior that is not mine to own. I have no moral defects of character that I need corrected.
I, like every other human being, have traumas that need healing, not defects that need correcting.
I don’t believe in a Higher Power that is powerful enough to heal me, but only if I jump through meaningless hoops. I will not admit to Him or to anyone else that I am powerless or defective. I am neither of those things, nobody is.
Please stop trying to convince me that my Higher Power can be Love or the Universe. Love doesn’t gaslight. The Universe doesn’t preach or try to control.
I have no faith in a Higher Power that allows for so much suffering in the world as a lesson to human beings. Praying does nothing to relieve suffering, compassion does. You can pray all you want for compassion, but until you put that compassion into action, those prayers are useless. You can’t get to compassion by spiritually bypassing your suffering. You can’t pray suffering away.
The only way out is through.
Compassion is the answer to the suffering in the world. Compassion is religionless.
Compassion is within us; we need no “Higher Power” to discover it.
The path to compassion is using kindness and awareness (mindfulness) in recognizing our shared humanity.
Compassion allows us to feel heard, seen, understood, connected, and cared for.
The gaslighting that is inherent in 12-step programs (the labeling, the shaming, the disempowerment, the judgment) gets in the way of compassion. It creates an us and them dynamic — where those on the inside are successes and those on the outside are failures. The groups are only welcoming to those who agree to play by a strict set of rules.
The cost of admission is very high — repression of the true Self. Authenticity is not allowed in the groups — those who ask questions are shunned.
Anyone who has the courage to speak up publicly is shamed and blamed — often into silence. Not only are we not welcome in the groups, we are abused when we try to share our stories. Many of us can only take so much abuse; we ultimately give up the fight.
The journalist who wrote this article got death threats from 12-step converts. To protect herself and her family she has moved on to other subjects. She wholeheartedly believes in what she wrote, but she is done defending herself against the fanatics.
The doctor who wrote this book still tries to spread the word, especially to other medical professionals, but he admits that it’s a losing battle. Too many professionals lack the courage to confront the tough questions Dr. Dodes raises about the harm caused by 12-step programs.
Where is the compassion?
I’m not giving up the fight. I’ve just begun. I want to give voice to all those who have been silenced.
Come join us on Facebook. You are welcome. The only rule for the private group is no gaslighting allowed. Compassion first — always.
