What if we were more like Ted Lasso, choosing curiosity over judgment?
In the 19th century Walt Whitman said, “be curious, not judgmental.” More recently, Ted Lasso brought fresh notoriety to this quote in a dart game stand-off with his on-screen adversary, Ruppert Mannion.
If you aren’t familiar with the AppleTV series Ted Lasso, it takes place in England where Ruppert’s ex-wife receives his beloved football (soccer) club in their divorce proceedings. Given his love for the club, she is determined to ruin it, and thus hires Ted Lasso, an American football coach who knows nothing about the sport, to come and coach the team. In this dart scene, it is quite fitting that Ted brings up Whitman’s quote. Ruppert, who appears in many ways to be the exact opposite of Ted, asks no questions and comes into the game with an attitude of hubris and judgment. If he had asked questions, he would have learned Ted was an expert dart player and betting against him would be unwise. Given Ruppert chose judgment over curiosity, he didn’t uncover this, and he lost the game — and a large bet — to Ted.
The truth is, most of us choose judgment over curiosity when people are different from us, as decades of research on outgroup bias demonstrates. Our nation is currently in a position dominated by outgroup bias. And unfortunately, we are throwing more darts than questions.
As someone whose Myer’s Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) scale for “Judging (J)” is literally off the chart, I am especially guilty of this. In fact one of my former colleagues laughingly said when we shared our results, “I always knew you were judging me.” While the MBTI “Judging (J)” versus “Perceiving (P)” actually assesses how you approach planning and decision-making, I use this as an example to admit that I am guilty of choosing judgment over curiosity.
In our current pandemic, where I cannot vaccinate my child because she is under five, I have been very quick to judge those who have not been vaccinated, yet have the option available to them. I’ve called them selfish, individualistic, short-sighted, and more. I have been angry. I have been judgmental.
But what if I took a different approach? What if we all did?
Choosing curiosity over judgment to understand Jobs to be Done
My colleague Efosa Ojomo’s recent post on the never ending pandemic highlights the need to solve for the emotional and social components of the job to be done that lead individuals to choose not to “consume” the vaccine.
I agree, so how might we do that?
It starts with curiosity. To understand people’s jobs, we have to enter the conversation equipped with a child’s curiosity. When performing Jobs to be Done interviews, a core tenant of the approach is assuming we know nothing. You must enter the dialogue with a blank slate.
There are no right or wrong answers in the interview because the story is the person’s own. Whatever the interviewee says is the right answer. In these interviews, it is critical to ask genuine questions and make no assumptions as to why someone did what they did. Humility is critical for success.
The results can be quite powerful. By seeking to understand the causal drivers behind another person’s decisions, and by approaching the situation with curiosity and humility, you are able to understand the progress someone desires. Then you can tailor solutions to help them meet their goals.
It might be easier said than done, but we can “try a little bit at a time.”
Choosing curiosity when we don’t understand another’s position sounds like the kind and humane thing to do. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. After all, we’ve been in the throes of this pandemic for two years. We are all very, very tired of it. We want it to be over. We want to live life again. If we separate ideals from identity, and we choose curiosity over judgment, we may just find our way out of it.
Daniel Tiger, a children’s series inspired by Mr. Rogers, is currently one of my daughter’s favorite books. In one story Daniel has to do something he has never done before and is afraid to attempt it. The author reminds her readers, “if something seems hard to do, try it a little bit at a time.”
This works really well with toddlers. But what might it look like for us, as adults across our nation and world, to apply it to our current reality? Today, if we all ask at least one, genuinely curious question to someone whose perspectives or decisions we don’t understand, we may be surprised at what we hear. Their desired progress and ours may not be so different, and we might even be able to hire the same solution to get our job done.
At this point in the pandemic, I have to wonder if we really have anything left to lose by choosing curiosity.
What if we threw fewer darts and asked more questions? Let’s try. Even if it is just a little bit at a time.
