Life goes on

This blog was originally published on another site, 22/07/16

“Mum, I think I need a new dressing gown.”

That’s not normally the sort of statement from cub no.2 that brings hot tears immediately to your eyes, tears you can’t stop, don’t want to stop. You see my mum, gone six years now, bought said dressing gown for cub no.1.

Like anything else chosen by my dearly departed mum, it’s great quality, cute and washes like a dream. It has kept both cubs warm and that makes my heart heavy because she never even got to meet cub no.2.

How they would have loved each other.

I think it’s the last item of clothing I have that she purchased for the cubs and I can’t bear to part with it. Even writing this now, tears are blinding me.

I miss mum. When I found myself faced with the prospect of raising two children on my own, I was terrified. Terrified. It probably took about a year for that terror to subside and I could so have used her calm strength at that time. Waking up with knots in your stomach at all hours of the night is not an experience I’m keen to repeat.

Both my parents were strongly pragmatic and non-judgmental and oh, I needed that back then. I got there in the end, but it was a wild ride.

And we’re here now, me and the cubs, the three Musketeers. So in the spirit of my parents, a solution. One that suits everyone concerned and keeps memories alive.

Like most houses with young children, we have a lot of soft toys. One of the cubs’ favourites is a big dog called well, Big Dog. She keeps guard alongside Gus the Gorilla and her jumper was looking the worse for wear, so cub no.1 suggested we hand it down to the pooch.

Big Dog’s nice and cosy, the cubs know that they have a bit of gran Fran to hold on to and cherish and one day I’ll stop crying.

Just not yet.

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