It’s ok to not be ok
We have adapted ourselves to say we are fine although we are battling with tough emotions.
-How are you?
-Pretty good! -he/she said, lying.-
I’m pretty sure you can feel related to this kind of conversation where someone asks you how you’ve been doing and you feel forced to give a positive answer and pretend you are doing good.
Try to remember how many times you just wanted to say “I’m bad”, “I feel lost”, “I feel angry”, and then you wanted to cry or ask for a hug, but you felt you couldn’t do it. So, you just decided to lie and force yourself to say “I’m ok”. Have you asked yourself why do you act that way?
We’ve been socially taught that even if we’re not feeling in a good mood we should put a smile on our faces, pretend we are not having troubles and to “stay positive”.
One day I was walking at my office and a mate asked me how I was. For what I answered: really bad! Not feeling well right now. So, I’m not expecting a great mood for today. Of course I was not going to give him details about my personal life but I was validating my emotional status. He got uncomfortable and said: yeah… well! Just forget about the negative and smile.
Was he guilty for his lack of empathy? Not at all, of course. But this is just a simple example that we are not prepared to deal with emotions because we haven’t received any kind of education about this topic that is part of our daily lives and our inner selves. Just imagine this: we can’t even deal with our own.
We put a lot of emotional weight under our backs by pretending to feel positive emotions we’re not living nor having. And so we go on our ways carrying a backpack full of negative emotions until we get into a crisis and we don’t know how to deal with them.
If today you’re not feeling happy, friendly or active that’s ok. If today you feel sad, mad, scared, frustrated (put the name of whatever you’re feeling here___): please don’t lie to yourself. Just accept that emotion and let her be inside of you.
To accept a negative emotion doesn’t mean you’ll have to literally run into a street to scream, cry or punch someone in the face. To accept it means that you will help your brain to understand what’s going on inside of you. The more you do it the more you liberate weight from your daily backpack. Just remember: It’s ok to not be ok.
