Since you passed, I know I fucked up a lot along the way to where I am now. It’s hard to keep composure after having your heart ripped out and having no one to truly understand that pain you’re going through.
The mental pain was so unbearable at times, it physically affect me. The sadness and darkness consumed me to the point where I couldn’t even speak sometimes. I had no words to say. No thoughts to hold a conversation. The social butterfly in me had its wings ripped off. I couldn’t fly for awhile. I couldn’t smile for awhile. It took years for this smile to get back to its genuine state.
Those who don’t understand will simply continue to kick you while you’re down. That’s alright though. Nobody needs to understand. Nobody needed to understand. The best way to conquer your hardships in life, is to conquer them on your own. Knowing you can walk through the darkness with no guidance and still be able to make it out alive is commendable in my opinion.
This year I decided to get the phrase “The Only Way Out Is Through” tattooed on me. When I was going through it all, I wanted to give up so many times. Take my life in numerous ways. Attempted and failed at doing so. However, I didn’t try again and I’m still here and I will still be here for years to come. I only got through it all by going through it. You have to persevere and hold onto your strength and will to live because life is too beautiful. Too amazing/exhilarating/rewarding.
It’s sad to know that an abundance of humans have given up in the fight against life because they just couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve felt that before. I know that feeling and pain so well.
I hope that just by me still being here. Still being alive. Carrying my battle scars from the war I once lived through everyday, can give strength to those who need it. In my dark times, I wish I had someone to look at and think, “dam, they’ve been through hell and right back again. If they could make it through, so can I”… turns out, I am that person to look at with that thought process.
I have not much else to say about this so, I’ll just leave it on a cliff hanger…