Hold me up

So I messed up again tonight. I don’t know why I do it. I always hate myself afterwards. Why do I always follow something that pulls me down so far and let go of the thing that always builds me up.

I know this sounds dramatic but, I am ready to die. Not in the sense where I feel as if my life has no worth. I don’t believe that. I have a lot of purpose and many more things I desire to do with my life. I am tired however, tired of staying up until I fall into my temptation, tired of making the wrong decisions. I don’t like living in such a dark world, I want light, I want peace, I want to be good, I want to live with my Heavenly Father. I miss Him.