How I went from Miserable to Happy Almost Overnight
As I’ve shared in previous posts, I was not always Mr. Positivity. I was pretty selfish, rude, and kind of a sarcastic asshole to be brutally honest. Sure, I had a ton of people around me, so-called friends. I seemed to be pretty popular, besides all of the not so friendly things people said behind my back. Things I shared in confidence with people, shortly became public news and I would struggle figuring out how and why. This is what turned me into jerk that I was. I was hurt. They say hurt people hurt people right? Well that statement holds tons of truth for me, considering where I was in my life.
The confidence that I portrayed was just that…something portrayed, not something that I actually felt. Even when it came down to relationships, I picked people that would feed my ego, and make me feel handsome, strong, smart, ect. I didn’t really believe those things about myself until I made some real changes in my life. I was clearly settling for the types of relationships I was allowing into my life, knowing that they weren’t healthy for me. I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. Influenced by many different outside sources from music videos to TV.
I can remember associating my wants with successful artists. Wanting to be like, dress like, speak like and have all of the things that these artists had. It was very appealing. It’s so crazy how little you know growing up. I honestly thought for a while that one of the only avenues to being rich outside of selling drugs was being in the music industry. That’s just how brainwashed I was from the media that I allowed in my life.
My family was very concerned about my future. Especially considering that I didn’t go to college. All I have is a high school education. I was out every weekend, drinking and partying. I would spend endless hours entertaining people who had no future. All they wanted to do was talk about people and judge others. I was living at home longer than should have been allowed, but I am truly grateful my parents had the space and the tolerance for me. I love them for that and much more.
It’s funny, as I grew into my adult hood. It took me a while to develop passion and ambition to be more than what I was. My initial motivation to start working and wanting to get my own place was, WOMEN. I’m shaking my head at myself now for this, but it’s the truth. I didn’t want it for myself. I wanted it to impress someone else, to make me feel better. Still showing signs of neediness when it came to happiness. I needed validation from some woman to tell me I was more than who I really was.
The happiness came when I had a much needed talk with my sister. She pulled me to the side after a weekend at her house, visiting with the family. I’m sure I had just got finished showing my behind and talking out the side of my neck to people..lol. So this talk was right on time. This talk was different though. She seemed hurt.
My sister and I didn’t get along at one time, then we became the best of friends as I grew older. She has helped me through so much, and I looked to her for advice. She looked at me with so much concern and love and told me that she didn’t like the person I was becoming.
……Then a light came on…
I almost cried because I realized that the person I was becoming, is not even me! Being the way that I was, is not in my character. I like to have fun, make people laugh, and I am a nice person. However for so many years of hanging around people that weren’t really my friends. Dating women I didn’t need to be with in the first place.
I had been hurt and betrayed so many times, and when I looked at the people who were screwing people over they looked so HAPPY! Their life seemed good. They seemed to be in control of their lives and I wanted control over mine. So naturally I thought that was who I needed to be to get ahead.
Thankfully I was wrong. Thankfully, I listened to my sister and started on a mission of becoming better. When you take something out of your life, something or someone else always replaces it. Every time I stepped away from the wrong people, the right people showed up.
The right people set me in the right direction. I started meeting people who had REAL goals and dreams. I started meeting people who had genuine hearts and were and still are my friends to this day. I learned that happiness is pretty much an environment that you set for yourself.
You can set the tone for your happiness. Here’s a 5 suggestions to set the tone for your day:
- For instance, I start my day listening to or watching a motivational Youtube video that gets me in the right mindset for the day. It gives me daily lessons to remember to implement in my life to make sure I have a happy day.
- Take time and think of some things that you’re grateful for, and really experience the good feeling that comes from appreciating these things. It helps raise your energy to attract things that give you more of that feeling.
- Complete an exercise of some sort..but complete it from start to finish. This will give you a feeling of accomplishment and progress which helps boost energy and those feel good hormones to get you ready to tackle the day ahead.
- Stay away from negative people and complainers (They rub off on you after a while…UGH)
- Try Not to watch the news, maybe only the weather for a while. (The news can be very depressing and anger provoking)
Now as far as my happiness and where it stems from. I’ve been working on this happiness for a few years now. It started with reading a book I actually forgot about called “Personal Power through Awareness.” It’s a simple guide for people new to the idea of how people and energy work. What it feels like and how to be aware of it. It’s amazing how the choices you make impact you indirectly as you start to change the places you go, and the people you hang out with.
Even down to the Tv shows and music you choose to listen to, will indirectly affect how you feel and soon, how you behave. I used to watch TV and listen to the radio and popular music very often and once I stopped I noticed a huge change in my attitude. I know some of you have favorite shows, and series that you watch. However, none of those shows are helping you progress in life. Ok, maybe some of those health conscious shows may give some valid advice, but you actually have to implement it which is the part no one wants to do.
I honestly think that the best part about happiness that I learned is that happiness is a choice. You have to be aware of your choices in order to be able to choose, but it is a choice. It’s so much easier to be upset and angry when something goes wrong, because we have created that habit of responding that way when certain things trigger us. Prime Example:
Scenario 1: You walk into a store and the person walking out of the store spills their cold water on your shirt. What do you do?
Person A: Screams and curses them out, and punches them in the face and then ends up getting charges pressed against him for punching the person walking out of the store.
Person B: Calmly responds, “it’s only a shirt, no worries, plus it’ll dry up…it’s only water.”
Now I know that person A’s response was a bit dramatic for water, but hey! There are some people out there who would act like that instead of choosing to stay calm and respond that way. Our choices dictate our life. Whether you receive results from your choices immediately or down the line. Your results will appear in one way or another. Your choices can lead to a happy life or a stagnant miserable one. You make the decision. 🙂
I hope my experiences are able to help someone have a happier life!
Tavon Diggs “The Beefcake Marketer”
Originally published at thebeefcakemarketer.com on June 23, 2017.