Baby fever. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase. You’ve seen those bitches on your TL reposting somebody else’s child followed by heart eyes. I used to love seeing pictures of my follower’s cute kids, shit I only followed a couple of y’all back because y’all kids are cute lol. That’s when it was all fun and games.
Somewhere around the second week of July 2016 is when shit got real. A bitch walked into the doctors office to get the birth control implant, I was happy af that I would walk out that bitch with a rod in my arm that would solidify being baby free for at least 3 years. The doctor had everything laid out all pretty and ready to go. Child, I was ecstatic. Then she handed me a cup and told me to do a routine pregnancy test. Whatever, I did it.
I’m on my phone watching Snapchat videos waiting for her to come back so I can go home when I realized it’s taking this girl forever. Like it was to the point where I was watching snaps niggas posted 2 minutes ago, I was clearly bored. Finally I hear a knock on the door and I’m thinking, “Cool, took this bitch long enough.” All of a sudden I look up and it’s two totally different bitches walking into the room, smiling fake as shit. Then these hoes got the nerve to sit down and get comfortable. I’m irked.
“So…we can’t give you the birth control today because your pregnancy test came back positive. It’s pretty early into the pregnancy, but it did come back positive.”
I don’t think I have ever rolled my eyes as hard as I did at the moment in my fucking life. Then they start asking me a bunch of questions talking about they have to make sure I’m “mentally stable” before leaving. “Did you know you were pregnant?” Girl if I knew I was pregnant do you think I would be here? “Do you want to talk about your options?” I know my options. Can I go? “How do you feel?” Bitch I’m irked, can I go?
Honestly, the first thing that came to my mind was, “Am I going to keep this jawn?” Because fuck all the bullshit, I’m very much so pro-choice. And I continued to ask myself this question for the rest of July into the end of August lol. I was so convinced that I wasn’t going have this baby because I reallyyyyy didn’t feel like being a mom, the thought of it even today scares me.
Seven months later here I am. I can barely put my shoes on, can’t sleep, most of my shirts are crop tops now, and I’m always hungry. I’ve gained 25 lbs since last time I checked and even though I appear smaller than most pregnant women, my little ass body frame is not happy about all this extra shit going on. Like I said, this baby shit is all fun and games until it happens to you lol. Plus it’s a lot of shit going on with my body that I had no idea went down during pregnancy.
For instance, if you know me you know I naturally walk faster than the average person. So one day I’m walking from my house to the bus stop, which I have to walk down a hill to get to, and once I get to the bus stop I feel like I’m having a asthma attack. I literally could not breathe and I started panicking. I get on the bus and a bitch still can’t breathe. When I start to calm down I hop on Google to see if I was having a random ass panic attack or if this just came with pregnancy, come to find out shortness of breath is normal. Your body forces you to breathe harder for your baby. And this happens often. For me anyway.
Oh and your nipples? Trash. They become the size of quarters and start leaking yellow fluid that might seep through your shirt. And they’re sore 70% of the time, wearing a bra is the last thing I’m trying to do.
I can never get a full nights sleep anymore. Any little noise ruins my slumber and I’m constantly uncomfortable, restless leg syndrome will literally make you want to fight, and for whatever reason your dreams seem like they’ve all been produced by Michael Ba. They get crazy vivid. I’m the type of person who rarely remembers my dreams but since I’ve been pregnant every dream is lit lol. I wake up and remember everything in detail.
And when you’re pregnant you become dumb as shit. Pregnancy brain is a real thing. You forget everything, you’re clumsy as fuck, and you have little to no control over your emotions. I cried yesterday during a casual conversation, even though the conversation was serious, I promise you it was nothing for me to be crying about. I also get crazy attitudes. My boyfriend was trying to show me this video he thought was funny and I was so irritated by how amused he was from that stupid ass Worldstar video.
I’m super antisocial. I don’t want anybody calling me and I don’t want to socialize if there’s no food being provided, I’d rather be in my bed. I’m uninterested in pretty much everything and I’m mean as hell. Though I have gotten better since entering into my third trimester lol.
11 weeks left to go and I’m honestly ready for this process to be over. I missed the New Year turn up and I’m going to miss my Jordan 23 turn up 😩. I miss buying smalls, I miss being able to stay awake all day, and I miss being able to look down and see my puss. It’s the simple things lol.
But there’s always a bright side to being able to give life; seeing and feeling my son kick and turn makes it all worth it, even though I swear he’s trying to be smart when he elbows the shit out of my ribs while I’m trying to drive, it’s pretty amazing lol. Knowing he’s healthy and has the best parents that will put him in the best positions to thrive as a young Black man is all I care about.
But listen, if it’s not your time child hold off on the baby for as long as possible because being pregnant is not where it’s at. Now I gotta stress about giving birth, maternity leave, and praying to God my boyfriend can hold the house down solo dolo until I’m able to work again. I don’t know how some of y’all are doing this back to back, you deserve the world sis 😂.
