2018 TGLFFL

thetookman
Sep 7, 2018 · 3 min read

Week 1: Predictions (feat. Rumps)

Week 1 Predictions

(Sorry Rumps, that was the only photo I had of you)

TC tanked it! vs. Darren’s Dandy Team

Rumps stays true to form by projecting the second lowest fantasy points this week. The only team projecting less than Rumps is — surprisingly — Darren’s Dandy Team….wtf?

I’m going to have a tough time for the first half of the season predicting a win out of Darren. Congrats on hitting the match-up lottery this week Rumps.

Jason’s Team vs. Champ (Rayray)

Doesn’t really matter who wins because it’s going to be a letdown regardless. Giving the edge to ma boi RayRay because he’s defending champ, but may end up regretting it (link).

Dan’s Dazzling Team vs. Jonah’s Jems

Pretty sure I could put up 150+ yards on the ground against this embarrassing Okaland Defense. Predictions:

  1. Jonah’s bench out scores his starting roster;
  2. Gurley humiliates the Raiders;
  3. Jonah has a badittude Monday.

Blue Trees Symphony vs. colon discharge

Colin clearly had no idea wtf he was doing during the draft (WR1 & WR2 on the same team?). This team is so bad even Seli laughed at it. I was going to suggest starting C.J. Anderson since he is notorious for big showings in Week 1, but then he’d be starting two Carolina RB’s too. Good luck this year Colin.

Ben’s Bolder Team vs. Jazz Hands

No contract signed by Le’Veon so Jazz Hands looks pretty Robert Kelley Tier at the moment. Luckily she’s playing Ben’s Battered Team. I’m giving the win to Yazzy only because I’m too lazy to remake the predictions chart.

New team logo?

OPtIpRimE420blAzEiT vs. Geoff’s Grand Team

Tough week for me with Cook on a pitch count. I’ll need Gilislee to step up at the goal line and every Deshaun pass to go to Hopkins to pull this one off.


Between Two Hurns: Rumps

TC: Hi Rumps. Feels like we never get to see ya that often now that your up in Standards . How have ya been?

Rumps: Well, Teece, here’s the deal. I’m the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. And nobody can hang with my stuff. Uh, you know, I’m just a big, hairy, American winning machine.

TC: Well that was a bit unexpected….Okay. So Saquon. He has a tough week a head in Jacksonville. How does it feel to have your entire season rest on the shoulders of a rookie RB running behind the 25th ranked run blocking offensive line?

Rumps: Who?

TC: Saquon Barkley.

Rumps: …Who?

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