I’d rather be with Loki…

In the past ten years I’ve been poked, drained, cut, probed, and manipulated all in the name of Cancer. I’ve faced demons that my very own body provided me with. I won that battle and now I’m faced with the toughest battle yet. Life after cancer. If you treat the illness for too long your organs start to fail. However I have two small children, so tapping out was never an option for me. So here I stand in the aftermath of my own battle. If feels like a scene from the recent Avengers movie. Nothing where it should be. Everything plotting against me. We triumph even in the bleakest situations. Everyone searches for a hero. Some super hero to come swinging onto the scene, weapon drawn, and victory in hand. I’ve been my own hero for so long that I dream of something quite different these days. Loki. He’s so wicked and dark that you know you can truly never count on him to be anything other than the bad boy. Tortured by some self loathing demons and his own feelings of betrayal. Definitely, not a hero. Yet… I would rather have this sort of villain than any other “hero” out there. I’ve learned that even as ugly and horrifying as cancer has been, there’s was moments of pure brilliance and beauty. Like when you here the words “ no new growth” or “20% decrease in cancerous cells”. Those words are the most beautiful thing in world after you have just finished a round chemotherapy. I guess that’s why I would rather be with Loki. Even with all his evil plotting, there is something so brilliant about him. It would never be boring to say the least. Besides who doesn’t love finding beauty in chaos.

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