Taylor
Taylor
Jul 27, 2017 · 4 min read

The Letter you’ll never read.


( I’m not good at writing, I have so many things running through my mind, that sometimes I ramble on.)


I loved the he’ll out of you. Even when you would be cruel and mean to me. You said jump I said how high. Our relationship was not HEALTHY. Not Healthy at all. You were emotionally, mentally and eventually the abuse got physical.


At first you would call me fat and ugly, those words hurt and I knew better but I eventually started to listen. So I started to work out, began to lose weight I never needed to lose in the first place. I got unhealthy. When you would get drunk the insults would get worse, “Cunt, Bitch, Whore, etc.” I kept praying things Would get better. They only got worse.


The physical abuse started right after we got engaged. That’s when you knew you had your hooks in me enough to start beating me up and knowing that I wouldn’t leave. Then you started taking my checks from work to where I could barely pay the bills. You ruined my credit. Then we got married and you hit me on our Honeymoon and I knew right then and there I was stuck. What was suppose to be, “The Honeymoon Phase,” of our life together turned into me begging you to stop. Praying that you would stop.


A Year and A half went by and things only got worse. I began to realize that my love for you couldn’t fix you. Nothing could. So I began to tell people what you have been doing to me. Showing them the bruises letting them hear the insults and not being quiet about things anymore. I opened a new checking account at a new bank and had just enough of my checks deposited in that one that you wouldn’t notice money missing. Your drinking only got worse and my need to get out only got stronger.


One night I went to Girls Night at a friends house. We had a little bit of wine, pizza, popcorn and other snacks and we watched movies. I told them what had been happening with us. And they couldn’t believe I was still trying to fix you and us. So about 2am I went home.


This was after dodging your calls and texts for the past 6 hours. You greeted me at the back door as i was just coming in. And you wasn’t happy. You started in on the yelling and I yelled back. I told you I was gonna go to my moms and I grabbed my phone to call her and you took my phone from me. I walked to our bedroom to grab a bag and a couple sets of clothes and you followed. You slammed me down on the bed and straddled me to where I couldn’t move anywhere. You were drunk i could see and smell it on you. You kept slapping and hitting me. You would smack both of my ears with your hands at the same time to where it messed up my hearing. You covered my face with a pillow. Then youd flip me over on my stomach and shove my face into the bed. And then flip me over and start the cycle all over again. I got out from under you once and scrambled to the window and opened it and yelled and yelled . I couldn’t go out of it because you had ahold of my leg. You slammed my head off my dresser and you head butted me over and over again. You got back on top of me and I couldn’t move. You reached for a gun and put your hand over my mouth and nose. I was struggling to stay awake. I could feel every part of me just wanting to stop fighting and give in like I always have. But then the thought popped in my head, “I can’t let my mom see my dead body laying here.” so I mustered up the strength to pull my arm out from under your leg and punch you as hard as I could. I knocked you off me and ran out the leaving behind every thing I thought I wanted .


I went to a friends because you still had my phone. You followed me to his house and tried to force your way in. I called the police. You gave him my phone and left. My face was all swollen, bleeding and bruised, my body was just as bad. I called my mother. And I filed charges, they took my statement, checked me out and tried to find you But you Were no where to be found. The police officer allowed me to go back home and get a bag of essentials and my Black Lab. I was at my ultimate low…


That was January 29, 2017. The day I could have died, by the hands of a man who was so unhappy with himself he wanted to make everyone around him just as miserable as he was. But I didn’t and I’m here today to make people aware that Domestic Violence is real and it affects people you would never think it would affect.

Taylor

Written by

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade