I’m no achiever, I’m just a slacker :(

I’ve been reading hundreds of articles on medium on productivity, time management, goal attainment and so on. I love reading on such topics, probably because I’m a big time slacker. Not surprising though, most of the articles keep reminding us roughly the same idea — of taking small steps and building a process or system — which is something that I understand that I don’t.

It’s pretty sad that most people nowadays are slackers like me, or at least those that I personally come across. Perhaps it’s a culture that slackers tend to herd with slackers and never get anything done. Possibly why real productive people who have achieved something in life don’t hang out much with me. Or, possibly I avoid being with them because the sheer intensity of their work ethic and ability to pull off massive tasks make me feel inferior, worthless, incompetent…

So I return to my feed of productivity posts. I find solace in them. I find comfort reading them. As if reading would magically transfigure a slacker Me into a Productive Me. Probably it has, to be more objective, to some extent. However, the incremental value added per post read is too minor to notice, especially to a REAL productive person.

One way I try to get over my pessimism is to take up too many projects at the same time so that I’m forced to work longer hours and get some chores done. This gives just an illusion of productivity since I get things done that do not add any value to my ultimate goal of getting into a PhD program. May be I’ll work as an SAT instructor and do some freelance jobs along with my full-time job to pressurize myself into fixing some sort of a schedule. But ultimately, it doesn’t move me toward the goal that I must be eyeing all the time. Besides, with these jobs come the commitments I’ve made my to students, building unwanted pressures on my system that in the end consumes my time, energy and willpower to the point that I have not been able to work on my PhD application for the last three months.

Forcing through this vicious cycle that I have engineered with my own hands to FEEL productive, I must get my bearings right and push toward my goal. I must never lose sight of the ultimate destination, I must persist. For the productive person persists and persists some more, but definitely in a particular direction.

I’m no achiever, I’m a slacker who’s groping her way toward the less-trodden path of success in this world of distractions and constraints, sprinkled with stars of productivity.