Finding Dreams and Working for them
Someday back I was watching a show and its host was discussing how everyone in their childhood dreams of becoming 'something' in future. As I was listening to him, it dawned upon me how I never dreamt of becoming something in my childhood. Heck, I did not have such dreams even at the age of 20-21. I certainly do not know the reason. I did not have other materialistic dreams too. People dream of owning certain type of cars, having big houses, having much money etc. I didn’t and still don’t. I definitely have some spiritual wishes but I don’t dream big when it comes to the worldly things.
But when I got into the college, everything changed for both bad and good. Some incidents had happened in the past because of which I was angry. And sad. Angry with my present life. Sad because nothing was in my control. College was a jail for me. I would just dream of the day when I will cross the gates of my college for one last time and never look back. And when that day finally arrived, I truly started making the most of it. Earlier I was so frustrated because I did not have a dream but now I wanted to try everything and anything. I did not know what my 'passion' was, what my 'calling' was. I was so much in hurry to find that one thing that I tried doing so many different things in so much little time. Other people call it 'going out of the comfort zone’. I would try one thing, do it for some days and then leave it and pick up another. Same would happen with that and then pick up another. It kept going on until this one time I picked up a pattern in it. I was going through these different pursuits and whenever the going would get tough, I would give up. Then I had realised, I was a quitter!
By the time I knew about this trait of mine, I had already embarked upon a new adventure. This adventure was to prepare for one of the toughest examinations in the world. The mother of all the exams in India, Civil Services Exam. Till today, I have exhausted one chance on this exam and now is that time when the going is getting tougher day by day. Apart from my tendency to quit, what makes this exam tough for me is that I know that I have that tendency. I know that in the previous adventures, I was just giving up and not giving my 100% to them. Among all those things I tried, one thing which I had actually liked was Travelling. At that time I just liked the concept of travelling. I did not know what was the 'main' thing about travelling, the core part of it which I particularly liked. As Justine Musk puts it in one of her answers on Quora
".....We confuse the activity with the value behind the activity. It’s the value that compels us -- and which we can transfer to paid-income work in a way that changes lives (and the industry itself)."
So I did not know about the 'value' which travelling provided to me. But now I know. It was the capability to tell a story. A story with the help of words and photography. There! That was it which I particularly liked about travelling. Having different stories to tell, different images to depict different scenarios. To show another hidden part of this world. So now when my going is getting tougher, my tendency to quit is hitting the sky, my inner self every now and then asks me to go and try that travelling thing again so that I won’t regret in future. The problem is I do not know whether this inner self is being honest and telling me this for my own good or is it deceiving me again and putting me on that old path where I hop from one thing to another. Is Travelling my actual calling or am I really not meant to have dreams?